NO SEX WITH THE EX

“Some says the ex, makes the sex, spec-tac-ular…” The words of the late Great Notorious BIG always comes to mind when I think of having sex with an ex.

It is so easy to go back to the familiar.  Which is one of the main reasons why it is so difficult to break bad habits. We get used to doing the same things, so what is wrong can feel so right. And lets be honest, most of our relationships were built on physical. Whether we admit it or not sex creates a very strong bond. Obviously, if you are having sex with an ex you created a life with, the bond of sharing a child is a huge deal. Whether you are still trying to be friends or have a problematic relationship. It usually never stops two people from engaging in sex.

I was discussing this with my friend who also has a “babydaddy” that she co-parents with, but still rolls around with on the late night tip. Now listen, I am not judging anyone. I also plead the fifth when it comes to admitting or denying doing it myself occasionally. However, I will say that even though it is tempting to do, it is not a good idea. Especially with someone you share a child with. It may work with an ex that you have no real attachment with, but going back to the past anyway is useless.  Yet, I would steer clear of having “supposedly casual sex” with someone that you share a child/children with. There is nothing casual about sex. The mere fact that you share a child  is enough to be mindful that you set clear boundaries.

Emotions come with sex even though the vast majority of folks want to pretend there are “zero f*cks” given. However, that defense mechanism is a clear example that people get in their feelings and then try to pretend that there are no feelings present. Which is why the majority of the world is screwed up in my opinion (another topic for another day). Now I am not saying everyone is the same, and there may be some people who can successfully have a “just sex with an ex” relationship.  If you feel comfortable having sex with an ex, especially someone you have a child with… go ahead with your bad self! However, do not be surprised at the confusion, over-stepped boundaries and the effect it may have on your child/children. And do not be surprised if you are expecting again.

I’m just saying…

-From A Mom Telling it like it is

TAHNEE COLE

“MOMMY, WHY?”

Time with a two year old can be so precious. Their observation on life is so unique and the questions never seem to stop.

I thought my daughter would ask the personal questions first. However, she is a bit more reserved and just goes with the flow.  Yet, I could definitely depend on my son. He needs all the information on any situation and will not let me off the hook with a weak response.

I wasn’t prepared for this though. The sudden unexpected questions about dad…

He had asked me before, but I usually would distract him with another topic or a fruit snack. However, this time there was no room for avoidance.  Having an uncannily articulate child can be a gift and a curse.  LOL

Picture him sitting right next to me Indian style on our living room floor. We were still opening boxes from our basement storage and looking through photo albums. He was amused at how much he had grown and wanted me to stop and look at every picture with him.

As we opened the old box with a ton of photos he saw pictures of his dad with Heaven and I. Most of them were while I was pregnant with him. He was amused at how big my tummy was.  Then there were random pictures of us in our happier moments. He looked at the picture as though apart of him had truly missed out on something.

“That’s daddy, mommy!” he said enthusiastically.

“It sure is!” I said trying to sound just as chipper as he did.

“Why can’t daddy live with us?” he said looking at a picture in a photo album of me standing next to his dad at our baby shower.

I wanted to ignore the question, but as he went through the photo album and saw more and more pictures, the questions kept coming. It was obvious that he was not going to let me out of the hot seat.

I wanted to reply back with a smart sarcastic answer. Yet, I had to remember to be mature and do my best not to paint a negative picture of dad. Regardless, of the ill feelings I had due to the failed relationship, I had to present a positive response.

“Jr, your dad and I decided that we were not happy together anymore so it would be best that we just lived apart and love each other from a distance.”

“But why can’t dad live with me, you and Heaven? Don’t you like daddy?” he asked disappointed.

I paused again and tried to watch my tone.

“Jeremey, your dad and I are going to talk to you about this at a later date ok?” I said trying to keep my happy face on. I didn’t want him to feel bad about asking me a question. He had a right to know, but honestly I didn’t want to say anything else. Anything else would be fake, and I didn’t want to give him a watered down version of the truth. Kids can tell when you are not being sincere. However, he is way too young to know the details.  Plus, everything would be very biased and that is not fair.

The immature side of me wanted to jokingly say, “because daddy is a cheating bastard!”

However, that would be a horrible thing to say about his dad who is his hero.

Instead, I rather keep it simple and move off the topic.

Sadly, he would have to accept that dad and I are never getting back together.

And it would be best to just reserve our versions of the truth for the future…

 

-From A Mom Trying To Do Her Best

TAHNEE COLE

THE TWO’s

Yeah don’t let those sweet faces fool you. Those two. Yeah my two.

“Jeremey put that down right now!”

“Heaven don’t get an attitude!”

“Clean your room!”

“No!”

“No you can’t have another fruit snack before dinner!”

” I don’t care if you stomp your feet!”

“Keep your hands to yourself!”

“Dammit!”

 “NOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Just a little dialogue from my house lately. I thought I was going to go crazy the other day. My house has been going through the “Two Blues”. My son is in his terrible twos which started a little late, so Lord please bless his number 3. And my daughter has hit the 2 digit age and she is starting to get a bit sassy. Jesus be a fence and please grab the wheel becasue I am about to crash. When a working mom comes home from work the last thing she wants to do is yell all evening. Unfortunately, I have been finding myself yell and complain until it is bedtime and then I am exhausted up finishing half done chores, putting up wasted dinner and going to bed to do it all over again. While contemplating on getting in my car and not returning (joking). During the Spring the kids and I usually spend a lot of time outdoors. So maybe once this weather finally breaks and we get into some activities we will break up the monotony. Wish me luck…

 

From A Stressed out Working MOM of 2

WORK FRIENDS

Sometimes there is a big funky elephant in the room. Instead of ignoring him, it is better to wash him down or kick his ass out.

I am a pretty outgoing person, passive aggressive and known to be reserve when I want.  I always attract a new friend no matter where I go. I am not the girl who can blend in the crowd. However, that can be a gift and a curse.

Working in Corporate America, I have learned a lot. Most of the personal things I learned were due to mistakes that I made. Getting too personal with people that you work with can be a huge issue. It can even ruin your professional reputation and stunt your career growth.

I was asked my opinion about hanging out with coworkers after hours and I was conflicted in my feelings. Apart of me loves having friends and would never want to shun a good friend away just because we work together. However, I know the dangers of having bad on the job relationships; whether, romantic or platonic.

We spend a great deal of time with our coworkers but… when is too much? Getting too frisky, having too many drinks, sharing too many of your babydaddy and babymama stories or inviting folks over to your home? Then trying to maintain professional balance. Happy hour is nice, but what about when the relationship is not so happy anymore? Or when you get a promotion and you are now the Superior? Or when you leaked your personal business to the unknown Blabbermouth Betty who you thought was your Buddy? It is unavoidable to develop bonds with people you are around all day, but just be cautious and set boundaries. Don’t give out too much of your personal business and definitely steer clear of bashing your other coworkers, or the company your work for. The bad things you say about the corporation seems to always mysteriously travel. LOL

I honestly vowed at my next company that I would participate in work functions, have healthy fun relationships with my coworkers, but maintain a level of respect, mystery and professionalism.

What do you think?

-From A Harding Working MOM

THIS IS SO US… (Nothing perfect about this pic) LOL

The fresh aroma of Spring flowers is so refreshing. My children and I are dressed in mint green, white and lavender attire for our seasonal family pictures.  This natural shot says it all! My little family shows that we are not perfect,  but we are perfect for each other. We compliment each other so well.

Hey Readers. I missed you.

I took a little break.

A two month break but…

I’m baaaaacccckkkk!

I have been working on my website and my content. The kids and I also moved into a new home (which I love). All praises to the Most High, for making it possible after I toured homes for almost six months.  I am sure you know that moving is a job in itself, especially for a busy mama like me.  Unfortunately, I still have some boxes I have not unpacked. I will get around to that this weekend. Don’t judge me!

I also went back to Corporate America and started a new career, but still in the Financial Industry. This time for a billion dollar company.  I will talk more about that in another blog.  There has been so many changes going on. Honestly, sometimes I have to remember to take a break, relax and enjoy the ride of life.

I love this picture because out of all the pictures it was not perfect. I was in the background trying to pick up the mess the kids left behind. Jr. was throwing his truck and my Heavy was trying to pose and be the Princess that she is. I just love them. LOL…