“Some says the ex, makes the sex, spec-tac-ular…” The words of the late Great Notorious BIG always comes to mind when I think of having sex with an ex.
It is so easy to go back to the familiar. Which is one of the main reasons why it is so difficult to break bad habits. We get used to doing the same things, so what is wrong can feel so right. And lets be honest, most of our relationships were built on physical. Whether we admit it or not sex creates a very strong bond. Obviously, if you are having sex with an ex you created a life with, the bond of sharing a child is a huge deal. Whether you are still trying to be friends or have a problematic relationship. It usually never stops two people from engaging in sex.
I was discussing this with my friend who also has a “babydaddy” that she co-parents with, but still rolls around with on the late night tip. Now listen, I am not judging anyone. I also plead the fifth when it comes to admitting or denying doing it myself occasionally. However, I will say that even though it is tempting to do, it is not a good idea. Especially with someone you share a child with. It may work with an ex that you have no real attachment with, but going back to the past anyway is useless. Yet, I would steer clear of having “supposedly casual sex” with someone that you share a child/children with. There is nothing casual about sex. The mere fact that you share a child is enough to be mindful that you set clear boundaries.
Emotions come with sex even though the vast majority of folks want to pretend there are “zero F*cks” given. However, that defensive mechanism is a clear example that people get in their feelings and then try to pretend that there are no feelings present. Which is why the majority of the world is screwed up in my opinion (another topic for another day). Now I am not saying everyone is the same, and there may be some people who can successfully have a “just sex with an ex” relationship. If you feel comfortable having sex with an ex, especially someone you have a child with… go ahead with your bad self! However, do not be surprised at the confusion, over-stepped boundaries and the effect it may have on your child/children. And do not be surprised it you are expecting again.
I’m just saying…
-From A Mom Telling it like it is