I talked to A Mom Exotic Dancer…

Harsh judgement came off the tongues from mostly moms. I asked a group of moms what they thought about Stripper Moms. I got a few eye rolls. I was surprised too because most moms understand the struggles that come with providing for kids. Especially single moms and especially when you have more than one child.

We are expected to always be tough and face whatever circumstance comes our way but; unfortunately, we are human and we go through times in our life where we are unsure of what decision is right. We often are faced with what is morally correct vs financially correct. We like to say that we are making decisions that are not only benefiting us financially, but also keeping us from feeling like crap when we receive the check. Nobody really wants blood money, or dirty money, right? We often fail to realize that, all money can be dirty at some point.

I always state often that this is a judgement free blog when it comes to moms sharing their journey. I am here to uplift, encourage and inspire.

The mom I decided to interview is definitely what people would consider a “Bad Chick”. She stands about 5’5 with a body of a goddess. The type of gorgeous woman that you would double take at. Blessed with an hour glass shape, shapely legs, a round apple bottom and skin like a porcelain doll. I told her that I would not disclose her identity out of respect for the content we are about to discuss. Plus, I am not interested in getting traffic off of popular Instagram icons.

I asked her straight off top, “How does it feel to be a mom and an exotic dancer?”

She laughed and said, “I used to feel guilty about it and then I would just mask my embarrassment.

“Mask it how? You got used to it or did you use coping strategies.” I questioned.

“I hid my guilt by taking my kids fancy places and buying them nice things. Not having to struggle began to give me a sense of pride, despite my career choice” she said smiling.

“How much money do you make on a slow night?” I asked.

“On a slow night, I’m taking home $1500 to $2000.” She said modestly.

“2 grand on a slow night? Are they accepting not so perky… (looking at my breast) these days, asking for a friend?” I added with a giggle.

“The first big amount I received, I got my girls done. I went from a size B to double DD.” she bragged showing me pics of her before and after breast size.

“Did your money change? Do you feel like the more you get done to your body, that the more money you make?”

“Yes, because you become the fantasy. Men like looking at what they don’t have at home. Mostly men who are married are sick of their wives looking like anything . So we are paid to provide the fantasy. ”

“I see… You mentioned earlier that you felt guilty. What is it that you were guilty about?”I asked curiously.

“Just the whole thing. I have two daughters and a son. At the time I just had my two daughters, they were 5 and 3. I was teaching them how to respect themselves, but I felt at night I wasn’t actually living that life. I was disrespecting myself or at least that is how I felt in the beginning.” She said.

“So you felt like you were being disrespected and felt embarrassed? I asked.

“Yes, I felt like that in the beginning. Men touching you and putting dollars in your G-string is weird. It takes a minute to get comfortable with that kind of action.”

“So your feelings changed?

“Yes, my outlook changed. I began to view it as a job. I know nurses who hate their job, but it pays their bills; it is their career. I began to look at the benefits and focus more on what it was bringing me. At first I was still trying to be me, but I had to create a character and separate the two. Me being a dancer, had nothing to do with my home lifestyle. I wasn’t sliding down the poles when I was with my kids. I was able to turn off my persona and it helped me.” she said passionately.

“What made you choose dancing as an occupation vs a desk job per se? Was it a money decision, solely?” I asked.

“Actually, I was a dancer forever, I wanted to do ballet and modern dance. I went to work at a ballet school a little after high school and I just didn’t make any money. I had just had my second daughter and I was a single mom. I got hooked up to the stripping game and it was pretty much a wrap. It honestly, brought together my love for money and my love for dancing. ” she stated.

“Fast forward to today: Are you still a dancer? Are you married, or in a relationship? Are you happy? I asked.

“No, I recently quit dancing and I have a boutique and some real estate. Yes, I am married and had a son after my marriage. I met my husband while dancing. If I had to do it again I would. Dancing has provided a lot of opportunities for girls who are ambitious. I wish people wouldn’t look at it so negatively. Yes, I am happy. Content with myself.”

“So would you encourage your daughters to dance if they wanted? I asked cautiously, not to offend. I was just curious.

“I wouldn’t be forcing them to do it or suggesting it to them, but I would support them if that is what they wanted to do. My son too. I think I have always felt like my dancing was a sacrifice. I paved the way so my kids wont have to make some of the choices I did. ” She stated.

“Can you tell me some of the cons of stripping? We hear about the money and the opportunities it creates, but is there anything that you absolutely hate about it?”

“What people think about you, but once you get passed that, you will be fine. People tend to judge you heavy when you are a stripper. They automatically group you as a “slut”, “gold-digger” or “whore”. I am none of those.” She assured me.

“Did you ever feel like you were boxed in? If you had never got into Real Estate or started your own business and; if you were to come to a professional job and had to discuss your work history. How would you talk about your years of exotic dancing? How would you talk about your skills and relate it to that industry? That is, if you wanted to transition to a Corporate career.”

“I wouldn’t be ashamed of my dancing. I would tell them I was an exotic dancer straight up. I would let them know that I have dealt with the needs of customers on a whole different level. ” she said laughing.

“Smart woman.” I replied.

The interview went on to the both of us discussing some twerk moves, our favorite things to do with our kids and a few money moves. What I got out of this interview is that this woman is no different from any other mother. Her love for her children caused her to make some decisions. Those decisions later shaped her life into the life she desired. It may not be the life others are comfortable living, but we are all different. Uniqueness is what makes the world go around. Let’s celebrate this mom who is open, honest and proud about her life as a mom and Exotic Dancer. I may not have the guts to drop it like its hot on a stage, but I am not judging any woman who does.

From a Mom, who doesn’t knock the hustle…

-Tahnee Cole

#MOMGOALS with Tahnee Cole: Chynita Kirkman

I know this beautiful mom personally, but I never knew she was struggling with anxiety. It is funny how we know people by face, but we do not know their struggle or their journey. Because of that, we are sometimes judgemental of one another.

Not on this platform.

My blog is to uplift, inspire and encourage moms. Letting them know, I got you girl. I understand.

Chynita Kirkman who is an Insurance Service Representative touched my heart with her transparency about her anxiety and depression. She is a single mom of two wonderful kids. She deals with the regular challenges that come along with being a working mom. Yet, she is also brave enough to be very transparent about her working on her anxiety issues. The same issue that has caused some people to hide in a corner and die. She is choosing to find ways to fight back.

“I had full medical work done only for the doctor to tell me I had panic disorder, depression and anxiety.” She said in a brief interview.

I felt her pain because I also suffered from panic disorder at one point. It was so bad at first that I use to think I was having a heart attack. I would also go to the doctor, they would run test and say that I was fine. There is nothing worse than someone telling you that you are ok, when you’re not.

Chynita went on to discuss that she opted to overlook all treatments at first, but realized that the treatments were going to help her. She decided that she wanted to gain control of her life and flourish in her career. I’m so glad that Chynita showed that seeking treatments or medication does not make you a failure. It shows that you are brave and are making an effort to help yourself.

I reached out to her after hearing about her therapy sessions. I was curious about how therapy was improving her life. I was also very proud that she was actually doing something to help her struggle. Some people are so afraid of therapy, but it is very beneficial. She discussed how she is working through her obstacles one day at a time. Chynita is a clear example that all moms have struggles, but she is living proof that she can handle anything. I’m so proud to know I have wonderful mom friends, living real lives.

Let’s celebrate and uplift this mom for her courage, her transparency and bless her journey. This mom is… #GOALS

From A Mom That Cares

-Tahnee Cole

Happy International Women’s Day

Today, I think of everything I have faced as a woman. Surprisingly, I have no shame when it comes to my struggles. Every setback. Every challenge. Every single “NO”. Every single time I was called a ᗷITᑕᕼ. Every single time I was discredited and belittled. I survived. My head still held high.

I am resilient. I am fearless. I am a woman.

Ladies, we have raised our families on unfair wages. It has taught us how to be innovative. I mean look at Pinterest. So many women are creators.

We are teaching our children through our example that we have the power to create, embrace and embody change. Women, we are the epitome of birth and creation. We are creating careers and businesses that allow us to utilize one of our best gifts, multitasking. We are creating change so that we can live out our purposes. We are growing as individuals while fully taking care of our families. We are birthing new ideas of abundance and embedding it in the minds of our children. Teaching them to avoid the old ideas of scarcity, and to seek abundance. In other words, we are teaching our children to be fearless and flourish.

Ladies we are so engulfed in the courage of our female ancestors; that we are building upon their ideas, and customizing them to our current reality. We are embracing change and building upon our capabilities. We are setting the standards and letting everyone know. It is ok to be unmarried. It is ok to choose a career. It is ok to choose to or not to have children. It is ok to be profit driven. And it damn sure is great to be, a WOMAN.

Happy International Women’s Day!


Tahnee Cole