YOU ARE NOT OBLIGATED…

 

Don’t forget I am a Today Parents contributor…

https://community.today.com/parentingteam/post/you-are-not-obligated-to_1572064421

Hit the link and like the article!

But first…

Are you a parent who struggles to find your voice in certain situations?

It can be tough and we all have our moments.

It is important though that we are able to tell our children “No”.

Not because we are mean, but simply because they will be told no many times and they need to be prepared. They need to be able to accept a “No”, without having a meltdown or becoming violent.

There is nothing wrong with telling them “NO”.

PRACTICE WITH ME and spell it out, “N-O”!!!

 

HIT THE LINK BELOW

https://community.today.com/parentingteam/post/you-are-not-obligated-to_1572064421

 

Tahnee Cole

“THE MOMMY MOTIVATOR”

And Yes, I’m a Mom…

There is such a strong stigma that comes with being a mom. So many expectations, so many requirements. Most of the time, we feel damned if we do, damned if we do not.

One of the most common criticisms I have received is that since I am a mom, I can no longer be viewed as sexy. I am expected to trade in my bikini for a t-shirt when I go to the beach. I am expected to hide myself as though I am no longer an individual. Why can’t I be proud of the body I have as a 30 something mother of two?

I work for a high profile corporate company and on most days I am required to wear business professional attire. So I love to kick back on the weekend and dress how I please. There is a such thing as being tasteful and displaying your beauty. I think a mother is one of the sexiest titles a woman can own. We are the epitome of sexiness! Our bodies are like rubber bands. They stretch, but they can bounce back!

After having my second child, I was feeling down about my body. The drastic changes postpartum can be overwhelming. I started going to the gym to make myself look and feel better. It worked! I could see the changes in my body and my mind. So why am I criticized for wearing a form fitting dress or a pair of shorts? After a long time of feeling bad; I was feeling good and desirable. I salute all the mamas who are proud of their bodies. As long as, I am not degrading myself or embarrassing my children with my image. I will continue to celebrate my femininity and be proud of this body that has created lives and legends. Yes, you are a mom now, but you can still be sexy!

Surviving the Village…

Every mom and dad needs a Village.

They say it takes a village to raise a child.

There will come a point when you can no longer do everything yourself.

Your advice will no longer be enough.

You will need someone to pick up the kids when you are unable to.

God forbid you fall ill and need an extra shoulder to lean on.

The truth is, you will need help at some point during your parenthood journey.

 Yet, can you survive and embrace the Village? Do you have the ability to simply put your pride aside? Can you accept your Village in their rawness?

This will be the real them. The flawed them. The village that will not always have the same thought process as you. However, they are still a Village, your Village.

They each will have a unique perspective on how to raise the kids. A unique relationship with your child. The parent that you co-parent with might not always agree with your decisions. Will this make you crumble, shutdown and force yourself to take on all the challenges alone?  Will you throw a tantrum like a child or are you willing to hear them out? Can you come to an agreement, agree to disagree?

What about co-existing with your nagging mother in law (who is obviously going to be a part of your village)? Or will you shut her out because she is becoming overbearing and opinionated?

 As I get older, I am realizing that a Village who is likeminded makes me feel more comfortable. However, that is not always a guarantee. In a perfect world, we would like everyone to do what we say, when we say, but that is not reality. So we have to accept that the people in our village will contribute something different to our kids lives. I am almost positive that different opinions will benefit one day, because lets face it, we are not always correct.

So, personally I have to allow myself to gain the maturity and wisdom to allow help and strengthen my Village without being judgemental and stubborn.

So the next time you are shutting a family member out, because they disagree with you. Take a moment and try to consider their perspective.

Think about this, are you pushing away your Village? Or are you trying to build your Village stronger?

Can you survive your Village?

From A Mom who is trying to build and not burn her village down!

Tahnee Cole

Honest Mom Series: I am allowed to feel this way…

So I’m going to be honest, not many people will take me serious when I say that I often suffer from body issues. If you return to a small frame after having a baby, most people say you have great snapback. Or whatever you want to call your body returning to its similar pre-baby shape.

Most moms are aware of the differences from their prenatal and postpartum body. Whether the changes are dramatic or slightly noticeable. Many women have to overcome many challenges when it comes to accepting their body for what it is. Especially, if they are against surgery. And for those who aren’t against hard work, working out!

Yes, I get a ton of compliments daily on my post baby physique. Many people say I still look to be in my  20s and without any kids.

I slightly agree. I know the difference. I see the changes.

I will say that I am not disgusted with my shape.  I’m damn proud of being a mom, but it is natural to feel, different.

I think it happens when I compare how I use to look after staring at a photo from the past. Thanks a lot FB memories!

Even the smallest details makes me feel as though I don’t look as good as I use to. Not to mention I am moving into my thirties! The fear of totally falling apart scares the crap out of me.

I know that living a healthy life is helpful and genetics play a role.  I have great genes looking at my mom and dad. Yet, there is just something about watching your body transform over the years that can cause fear.

I know my biggest struggle has been my breast. I use to have beautiful 36 C size perky breast.  Unfortunately, after breastfeeding for the second time, I was left with flat breast that remind me of a Slinky!

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Two little sad breast begging to be in a bra. In the past, it was not uncommon for me to walk around without a bra. The only way you would know is if the room was cold. But I can’t do that now. Although, they are slowly regaining mass and plumping up, I got to wear a bra every single day so that I will look pulled together. That bothers me.

I have always been proud of my breastfeeding journey and glad my sacrifice benefitted my babies. I was also very happy I was able to feed my babies without complications, but I often feel sad that my breast changed right before my eyes. And its ok that I feel that way, it is normal.

I know a lot of moms struggle with the discontentment of their bodies and are often riducled for the emotions that trail behind.

Many people say that while we are complaining, somebody is wishing that they could have a baby. And of course that woman would trade places to have those stretch marks of sagging boobs. But we are allowed to be upset. It is upsetting that a mom cannot just feel how she feels without all the unnecessary judgements.

We are human and we feel emotions. You’re allowed to feel this way. I’m allowed to feel this way.

From A Mom who is just being honest…

Tahnee Cole

Me and My kiddos are kicking off the Fall…

Fall is probably my favorite Season.

Not only is Fall a great time to dress in cozy fashionable sweaters, the temperature is still comfortable enough to go outside.

We kicked off the weekend going to our Neighborhood Fall Festival that we attend every year with my mom.

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The Festival usually starts with me taking the kids to get their own pumpkin. Later, we take them home to design them!

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Then we make our way around to the face painting area, where the kids can get their face painted. This area brings out their creative energy and they can become whoever they want to be. It kind of helps them with their Halloween Costume Decision. LJ was Green Lantern and Heaven just got a simple cross shape on her cheek. Heaven is out of her unicorn stage and now a VSCO girl!

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The day is not complete without them taking home a special balloon from the Creative Balloon Makers. Again, Heaven kept it simple and requested a heart.  LJ went all out and got a huge Sword! I am always amazed at what they can do with those Balloons.

We usually walk around to the local stands. Most of the stands are filled with community leaders, targeting families that care about improving the community. There were also products and services to buy from the local businesses. This year I passed out a few of my business Cards and talked to some moms about parenting events. They were excited about meeting a local Blogger! Networking is always a must!

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My favorite stand we visited signed the kids up for a chance to win free books for a few year. Then the kids played a game called, Guess how tall you are in apples! Heaven was 20 apples tall and Lj was 13! Amazing how fast my little one is catching up to his big sis!

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We didn’t get on the Hay Ride this year, but we danced to the music and the kids had fun hoola hooping!

The Festival is a great way to connect with your family and community during the Fall Season.

Happy Fall

Love, Tahnee Cole

The Mommy Motivator 💋

 

Jeremey goes to Preschool

If you are like me, picking a preschool for my son was not easy.

Especially transitioning from a private home Provider who cared for him since he was eight months. I had looked into other facilities and I was just not satisfied.

Plus, making sure that one fit my budget was also very important. It was important for me not to receive cheap care though. So price was not my motivator, but looking into scholarships is always a must.

Change is never easy, but necessary. My son needed to be ready for school and in my opinion, he can only get prepared in a school environment.

With his current school, I was impressed with the curriculum, the bright classroom and caring environment. All the teachers seemed to enjoy being a teacher and embraced him immediately. I checked his vibe during an open house tour. He walked in as if he had been attending the center for years. That made me feel comfortable.

The administrators also let me know that I was free to stop in when I wanted, and has been sending pictures of him throughout the day since his first day.

So far, so good…

It is so easy for us to get comfortable, but we have to teach our children to abandon their comfort zones and elevate to success.

Unlike my daughters Montessori preschool (I loved it there too), which promoted independent learning styles. My son has more direct attention and structure. The teacher to child ratio is much smaller and their core curriculum includes foreign and sign language.

 

It seems like everyday Jr. comes home he is teaching me something new that he learned. It is easier for me to come home and sit down with him and go over his lessons to prepare him for a new day.

I will be visiting the school once a month to read to the children and to stay involved with his lessons.

Very proud of my sonshine!