Being the only black working mom…

Usually, I never feel out of place because I don’t compare myself to others. However, I felt really weird after having a conversation with a group of moms at our kids reading time. One mom in particular.

We were all at a round table, drinking coffee and peeking in at our children to make sure they were behaving. I didn’t pay attention to me being black until one of the moms said, “it is so nice to see some color and not just moms like me.” I smiled and then there was awkward silence.

“Are you from around here?” she said.

One of the other moms who was also caucasian looked annoyed. I could tell she was thinking enough already with the awkward small talk.

I was wondering where she had been, because we attended this reading event frequently. I was not a newbie. If I was not mistaken, I had seen her a couple times and she usually never said anything.

Today, must have been a good day to be nosey. Maybe she had friendly intentions so I decided to entertain her a little, with very little info.

“I’m from a different suburb, but my mom lives over here.” I said after taking a sip of my coffee.

I pulled out my laptop and she wanted to continue the conversation. Instead, she just made a general comment amongst everyone.

“Isn’t it good to be out of the house ladies? Stay at home mom life can be something else.” She said as if she was sighing.

A few of the moms laughed in unison and shook their heads in agreeance.

She went on..

“Granted, we still have to chase them around the library, but at least it is nice to let the Librarian keep their attention for a moment.” she said.

She focused her attention on me. I was certain she could tell by my business suit and laptop that I was probably not a SAHM.

“I only know about career mom life, but I get you.” I said smiling.

“Omg, how do you do it? I would miss my kids so much and would not want anyone else raising them.” Her face was turned up as if I had given my kids up for adoption.

The other moms looked surprised that she had the nerve.

The irony of her just being happy having momentary freedom, but then speaking on missing her children if she had a career made me chuckle.

I smiled and remained classy.

“I wouldn’t say raise them per say. My definition of raising might be a tad different from yours though. I’m the sole provider so I have to make a living. Besides, having multiple strong influences, and individuals assisting me with taking care of my children is vital to my family structure. I love having a strong village to help support me, while I take on the world. I am dedicated to showing my kids I am multi-talented and capable of achieving my goals.  Providing them with a living example of success and perseverance.  Yes, I miss my kids, but I would be missing me if I was not living in my purpose. I spend plenty of time with them even when I am exhausted, like right now. The librarian is watching over my son now, but she is not raising him. It is great to stay at home, but that is not the life all moms desire. Nor do all moms have that opportunity, even if they did want to.” I said.

She smiled and looked a little embarrassed. Then spoke, “oh no, I meant no harm or offense, you are commendable. I wish I had the drive.”

I handed her the card to search my blog.

“Different strokes for different folks. All mom life is a challenge…

“Agreed” said another mom winking at me.

-Tahnee Cole

Teaching my son there is a Black Superman, he is.

The picture of my son in 2018 wearing his Superman costume inspired this post. He looks so strong, confident and majestic. He truly believes that he can do anything. Which is why daily, I find myself having to convince him not to jump down the flight of stairs.

But, I don’t want that confidence to disappear. I want him to keep believing in himself. To strive for heights that most think are unachievable for him. I want to see him smash his goals, conquer the unconquerable and beat the stereotypes placed on him through statistics.

It is unfortunate when I only hear negative news, and see more negative images about men who look like my son. It kills me when I hear stories of black boys with bright futures who turn to a life of crime. Simply because they no longer see Superman as a true future. They once had bright smiles like my son , they once believed, but one day something happened.

It is important that we teach our sons they are our Superheroes, despite the negative depictions placed over them.  We have to encourage our sons to take responsibility for their lives and hold them accountable for their actions. With confidence that, they can one day be the leading examples of our world.

I told my son that he has the power and ability to do whatever he desires. The same super powers he has when he puts on his cape now, will never leave him.  That power will manifest in a different form, according to his human abilities to change the entire world.

So I tell my son, he is Superman.

We must tell our young men that he is, Superman.

From a Mom who loves and believe in her son..

Tahnee Cole

“If you leave that damn coat at school, don’t come home!”

Hey, I’m a black mom and I’m extra AF (as f*ck), if you aren’t familiar with the acronym. LOL

Excuse my French, but there is no better way to describe my parenting style when it comes to trying to prove a point to my kids.

When my kids leave the house during the Fall and Winter season, I find myself giving them a lecture. Not only about making sure they keep on their coats, but keeping up with their coats. Hats, scarves and gloves as well.

My mama said it to me and I am pretty sure my grandma said it to her.

“If you leave the coat at school, don’t come home.”

For some reason, my kids need me to take it to the extreme to prove to them that I am not playing with them and ….

Ain’t nobody got time for that!

They not only need their coats to stay warm and avoid getting sick. But mama pays good money to keep them warm and I want to see them look like they left the house.

The coats are usually not a huge issue, because they don’t want to freeze those little honey buns off. However, I feel like I replace gloves all winter.  So far the old stick the gloves in the hat and hat in the sleeve trick is working.

If not, I hope the school has some bunk beds, because I mean what I said before.

LOL

jr coat

From A Mom, trying to keep her kids warm

XOXO

Tahnee Cole

“MOMMY, WHY?”

When your lids start asking questions…

BLACK PUMPS PINK SLIPPERS

Time with a two year old can be so precious. Their observation on life is so unique and the questions never seem to stop.

I thought my daughter would ask the personal questions first. However, she is a bit more reserved and just goes with the flow.  Yet, I could definitely depend on my son. He needs all the information on any situation and will not let me off the hook with a weak response.

I wasn’t prepared for this though. The sudden unexpected questions about dad…

He had asked me before, but I usually would distract him with another topic or a fruit snack. However, this time there was no room for avoidance.  Having an uncannily articulate child can be a gift and a curse.  LOL

Picture him sitting right next to me Indian style on our living room floor. We were still opening boxes from our basement storage and looking through photo…

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A Different Approach

Growing Pains…

BLACK PUMPS PINK SLIPPERS

As I type this post I am shaking…

I am not a scary person. I trust my abilities and I have faith in myself. I like to think of myself as brave. Yet, when it comes to my children there are times that I lose complete confidence in myself.

I have fears that are beyond my control. I fear they are not happy. I fear that there may be issues with their health due to the exposure of harsh chemicals, contaminated food and lack of care from people who do not think like me. I suffer from “nobody can care for my babies like me” syndrome. That thought process traps me in a prison of fear and worries. Those worries create anxiety and over protectiveness. I fear that even when I am giving my absolute best that I am not doing enough.

Recently, my daughter had been struggling in school. She wasn’t…

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Committed to a Goal

Just a flashback of the easier days!

BLACK PUMPS PINK SLIPPERS

My daughter truly inspires me! She is a mini, better and more improved version of me.

The child who always speaks positivity over all situations.

The little girl who wants everybody to get along. My little social butterfly. My Heaven!

I speak a lot on my blog about commitment and sticking to goals. It is important to not only create goals, but to take action steps to do what we desire to do. All my positive encouraging words has not gone unheard, because my children are proving to me daily that they desire to be successful.

After the first quarter report card my daughter made the Merit roll by a few points per her GPA. Although, I was proud of her because she had transitioned to a new school, a new environment and endured a couple of  bullies. She was not satisfied. She is definitely my child because we are not satisfied with just…

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Let me be candid, and keep it funky about co-parenting.

Everything is picture perfect now.

You get on social media and the portrayal of a perfect life is the new norm.

The influencers at times, can influence people to live a lie or contribute to insecurities.

Insecurities about fantasies.

A spotless home (usually a mansion), a perfect faithful husband, perfect well-manner kids and my favorite:

Perfect co-parenting relationships…

Look, I am sure there are some very healthy, team player type co-parenting relationships out there. And trust me when I say, I’m proud of them. However, there are a lot of couples who are constantly a work in progress. Co-parenting can be a roller coaster journey, because it can often depend on what the parent is dealing with in his or her own life. Co-parenting can often be difficult for a number of reasons.

Here are a few I have heard outside of my own journey:

  1. Maybe you didn’t get along when you were together . So trying to come to agreements apart can prove to be even more difficult.
  2. Emotions could still be there. Some people don’t want to admit it, but the love they still have for their partner could affect how they raise the kids. The feelings can be  one -side or on both sides. To be honest, many times it is on both sides, but one person is usually in denial.
  3. Still sleeping around and causing confusion. Sex with the ex can be a big “no,no”.
  4. Or you flat out can’t stand each other. So raising a kid together is now another burden and you simply wish the other person would get lost.

Well co-parenting is not something that can be forced or suddenly changed. Depending on how the situation ended, that usually dictates the dynamic of the relationship. It is rough and some days it takes the energy out of you. There will be ups and downs, good days and bad ones.

So yes, it is ok and you do not have to be picture perfect. Do not text you ex and expect them to want to do a photoshoot for social media. Just to prove that you are both mature individuals raising your kids.

Let it flow and pray about it. Be your best self and realize that time will heal everything. Things will change and force people to change.  I am all for broadcasting healthy examples and trying to promote peace and prosperity. However, I am all for people being honest about where they are in life, and not feeling judged or belittled because their family structure does not resemble another.

So live life on your terms and be able to accept where you are at that moment.

Trust me, it will bring you peace and worse case scenario, you and your ex are never able to meet eye to eye. You can be satisfied knowing that you tried, but able to accept that you can’t control anyone, but you.

And honestly, there is more to life than social media facades.

From a Mom, who is just being honest…

Tahnee Cole