Her eyes were red as my Ruby Woo lipstick. She got in the car and didn’t even speak. I didn’t take it personal though. I knew why she was angry and I felt her. I kept telling her she needed a holistic detox (I will speak on that later), but she was too concerned about getting even with her children’s father.

She didn’t say hello, but she said, ” Tahnee I f*cking hate him. I wish he was dead. Honest to God I do.”

I decided to listen instead of giving her any input, sometimes people need an ear and not your tongue.

“He called me bitter. Can you believe that? I’m far from bitter, pissed off but not bitter. Tahnee am I bitter?” she asked.

I took a sip of my coffee, pulled my hair behind my ear and glanced at my friend. She was beautiful. She was blessed with smooth chocolate skin, wavy curly hair and full ‘Kylie Jenner wish she had’ lips, but her anger had distorted her features. She now wore pain. The angry black woman grimace paired with the stank face is not a good look at all.

“You are, but its understandable. You got a lot on your plate. Your fairytale didn’t have an happy ending so far, so now you are stressed. Look sis, its perfectly fine to be a little bitter, but don’t stay there.”

My advice to any bitter baby mama.

But don’t stay there…

Many mamas hate that the word “bitter” precedes “baby mama” many times.

They refuse to accept it when their actions display otherwise.

I always say that it is perfectly fine to be upset, be hurt, be bitter, but it is not ok to stay in that place.

YOU ARE ALLOWED TO FEEL. SO MANY PEOPLE TRY TO FAKE IT, TO MAKE IT. THEY POP ONE TO AVOID THE FEELING. PRETEND THEY DON’T NEED THERPY AND IGNORE HOW THEY FEEL. EVENTUALLY,THEY HAVE MELTDOWNS, ANXIETY ATTACKS, AND THEY WILL CRASH AND BURN.

They hurt others and themselves. Plus, they never allow their hurt and pain to manifest into healing and growth. Admitting is the first step to recovery. You should never allow anyone to tell you what you should not be. Initially, any breakup can breed negative feelings especially when a child or children are involved. However, you don’t have to always be in that sunken place.

You will need to have the strength to encourage not only yourself, but your life partner which is your baby daddy. You are broken up, but in many ways still together. Hating them is hypocritical if you say you love your child, because that is hating a major part of your child. You can’t hate your kids father and teach your child love and respect. Your child needs a fair chance at loving their parent without you distorting their perception.

Once you accept this and begin working on you, growth will occur. The goal is to be better and not bitter. If you are not there at this point, that is fine. Own it, work on it and move forward.

 

Tahnee Cole