SELF CARE IS… Not Blaming Yourself For Your Child’s Growing Pains.

Parenting is hard. Not only do you experiences changes in yourself, but you also have to deal with the changes within your children. One minute they are babies hanging on you boob, the next they are preteens going through puberty, acne, and those dreaded mood swings.

Self care is protecting your energy. We never think about protecting our energy when it comes to our children. Why? Because we think that we first and foremost have to protect them. That is true. However, that does not mean we are supposed to be their punching bag when they are stressed and going through changes. We are allowed to go away and protect ourselves from stress. It is not our fault.

We neglect our self care when we overcompensate or dwell on why our children are upset. Simply because we are blaming ourselves for situations beyond our control. Your child’s growing pains and the decisions they make, do not directly reflect the quality of your parenting.

We think of our children as a direct reflection of us, good or bad. That is not always true. Think about great parents who still raised serial killers. Were all of those parents horrible? I don’t think so. I will say that parents who do not show enough self care and compassion for themselves could possibly raise stressed out children turned adults. Just like parents who are workaholics may raise children who do not know how to put work down, go on vacation and enjoy life when they get older. On the flipside workaholics may even raise lazy kids who turn into adults who despise working.

A lack of self care can make you a bit of a maniac. And the examples we set can have major impact on our children’s perspectives and actions. Yet, being overly concerned for everything your child does to the point of exhaustion is no good for anyone. It is ok to be concerned, talk to your children, do your best to assist them in any trial they are facing. However, do not make it your fault!

Tahnee Cole

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