My music selection was Toni Braxton. Matter of fact, it was her latest featuring HER called “Gotta Move On”. How befitting to how I felt. I had cut off a man who I was on the verge of being in love with last week. He was an emotional liability. To be all the way honest, I am emotionally handicap. I can’t feel the way I use to. Nor, can I contain another persons insecurities while trying to reach my goals, survive during this pandemic and raise solid successful kids.
I needed a spiritual and physical detox.
I had my phone on low. Since my kids were away I couldn’t put it on do not disturb. I laid back in the tub and let the bubbles touch my ears. Candles lit, darkness and wine.
Just me, myself and I.
I had hit 35 and refused to settle for less. Inadequate relationships whether platonic or romantic, was a hell no for me. Hell, I wasn’t even eating anything that wasn’t bring me satisfaction. My expectations were high and I wasn’t letting that shit change for anything.
As I set back I thought, damn, I need to do this more often.
It felt good to relax. Of course my phone ranged. I glanced to make sure it wasn’t important. it wasn’t. I closed my eyes and drifted into relaxation again.
On most days I was moving around. Cooking and cleaning like a slave. Trying to make sure the house was blogger mom perfect. It felt damn good to unwind. I deserved it. I needed it. My mind, body and soul had been craving it. Why was it so difficult to put myself first? Why had I got to a point where I felt guilty about doing for me? Why was I so damn concerned about everyone’s needs, but my own? When it came to fulfilling my needs, I was hesitant.
All of these thoughts in the tub. To some people a simple bath is just a bath. To me it was as sacred as a baptism. The Most High provided us with water. Water is the most powerful force on earth. Being immersed in this water was providing me major healing. It was revealing to me how dehydrated I was. Not in a sense that my thirst was quenched. But that my physical body needed to unwind. To release. To replenish. To be fulfilled.
The need to unwind after work was definitely needed…