BABY MAMA SERIES: 7 HABITS TO HEAL

Dealing with post relationship trauma is not easy. Especially, when a child or children are involved. However, you can still manage to have a productive and healthy co-parenting relationship and happy life.

On a road to recovery there are things that you must do on a consistent basis to make sure that you are being your best self.

So, things didn’t work out. He left or you had to leave. You may feel guilt that you are not providing a two parent household for your child or children, but that’s life. Nothing is promised. People’s feelings and emotions vary day to day. Life happens and no situation is perfect.

Here are some tips:

1. Accept it-

Don’t ignore your emotions. Don’t keep daydreaming that everything will mend and the perfect family will return. Accept how you feel. It is ok to be angry, upset, or even sad. Allow your body to feel the emotions, no suppressing. Accept the place your life is right now but remember it will get greater later!

2. Focus on your child-

The center of this union is your child and that is exactly where your focus should be. I feel like putting the focus on making your child happy will keep you in line with what is more important. Most parents motives are pure when it comes to their children, so putting a focus on them will eliminate the need for being vindictive and petty. I’m not saying forget about you, but your child needs a fair chance at loving both parents without confusion or judgement.

3. Focus on you-

In addition to focusing on your child at some point you will have to focus on you. Do your best. Quit worrying about the other parent. Some “baby mamas” can’t heal of move on, because they are FB stalking their kids dad or mad because he isn’t contributing. You can’t help that, but you can help what you do. Focus on  your glow up and you will do just that!

 

4. Set boundaries-

Stop entertaining BS unrelated to your child. Is it possible your ex is doing petty things to make you upset or jealous? Absolutely. Be upfront about your concerns and expectations when it comes to your role in your child’s life and then move on. Honestly, you CANNOT control what happens when the child is at the other parent’s house. But what you can do is cut off anything that allows you to see the nonsense. Establish a way to communicate, a place to meet and a drop off and pick up  schedule. Those are all ways to minimize foolery (if you co-parent). If the dad is totally out of the picture and does not want to be, you got to move on without him!

 

5. Physical Contact/ Sexual Contact-

A lot of women are still saying “I did not have sexual relations with my baby daddy” (In my Bill Clinton voice). Be honest Sis, a lot of women go back to the familiar, but seriously if you want to cut the attachment and establish some respect, you must quit. Check out my article NO SEX WITH THE EX

6. Set goals-

Instead of you starting to worry too much on what things are not right, focus on improving your life every year. Focus on your goals and what you can do better. Focusing on improving yourself and your kids will help you put a less focus on irrelevant things you can’t control.

 

7. Have Patience-

With any situation have patience with the progress, yourself and others. Nothing improves overnight. Focus on staying committed, positive and focused. Celebrate minor milestones and understand that you will have setbacks, but they will set you up for later success.  Just keep going. You got this Sis!

 

Tahnee Cole

“The Mommy Motivator”

 

You’re a Bitter Baby Mama, Own it!

Her eyes were red as my Ruby Woo lipstick. She got in the car and didn’t even speak. I didn’t take it personal though. I knew why she was angry and I felt her. I kept telling her she needed a holistic detox (I will speak on that later), but she was too concerned about getting even with her children’s father.

She didn’t say hello, but she said, ” Tahnee I f*cking hate him. I wish he was dead. Honest to God I do.”

I decided to listen instead of giving her any input, sometimes people need an ear and not your tongue.

“He called me bitter. Can you believe that? I’m far from bitter, pissed off but not bitter. Tahnee am I bitter?” she asked.

I took a sip of my coffee, pulled my hair behind my ear and glanced at my friend. She was beautiful. She was blessed with smooth chocolate skin, wavy curly hair and full ‘Kylie Jenner wish she had’ lips, but her anger had distorted her features. She now wore pain. The angry black woman grimace paired with the stank face is not a good look at all.

“You are, but its understandable. You got a lot on your plate. Your fairytale didn’t have an happy ending so far, so now you are stressed. Look sis, its perfectly fine to be a little bitter, but don’t stay there.”

My advice to any bitter baby mama.

But don’t stay there…

Many mamas hate that the word “bitter” precedes “baby mama” many times.

They refuse to accept it when their actions display otherwise.

I always say that it is perfectly fine to be upset, be hurt, be bitter, but it is not ok to stay in that place.

YOU ARE ALLOWED TO FEEL. SO MANY PEOPLE TRY TO FAKE IT, TO MAKE IT. THEY POP ONE TO AVOID THE FEELING. PRETEND THEY DON’T NEED THERPY AND IGNORE HOW THEY FEEL. EVENTUALLY,THEY HAVE MELTDOWNS, ANXIETY ATTACKS, AND THEY WILL CRASH AND BURN.

They hurt others and themselves. Plus, they never allow their hurt and pain to manifest into healing and growth. Admitting is the first step to recovery. You should never allow anyone to tell you what you should not be. Initially, any breakup can breed negative feelings especially when a child or children are involved. However, you don’t have to always be in that sunken place.

You will need to have the strength to encourage not only yourself, but your life partner which is your baby daddy. You are broken up, but in many ways still together. Hating them is hypocritical if you say you love your child, because that is hating a major part of your child. You can’t hate your kids father and teach your child love and respect. Your child needs a fair chance at loving their parent without you distorting their perception.

Once you accept this and begin working on you, growth will occur. The goal is to be better and not bitter. If you are not there at this point, that is fine. Own it, work on it and move forward.

 

Tahnee Cole

 

THE “BABY MAMA” SERIES: MENTAL HEALTH

Let me tell you the double standard…

I was talking to some coworkers about a story on the news. A dad was so stressed out that he came home killed his children and himself. As we discussed how sad it was a few of my co-workers started bashing the mother.

surprised

What type of mom let the dad have custody? She had to be a shitty mom for the dad to get custody. She knew his mental state!

And of course my favorite: If they were the mom, their kids would not have been with a dad like that.  

I listened before I gave them my 20 cents. I would say 2 cents, but yawl know that I am long-winded.

I started my speech with, ” But if she didn’t send the kids to their dad’s she would be considered a bitter baby mama or bitter bitch. Judged for depriving her kids from having a healthy connection and relationship with their father.”

So I guess its a lose, lose for this mom. She may have very well told the court system, police or even family that she seen some mental imbalance in her children’s father, but it is very hard to prove that in court. Especially, without a thorough medical diagnosis or a criminal history,

The baby mother is the most criticized stereotyped party in the baby making pair. I often hear people say things such as: She needs to get over it, and move on. Let that man see his kids. So does it truly matter the mental state the dad is in? And the audacity to give the dad a pass for his mental state; however, moms are expected to be strong despite their tribulations.

I can’t help but feel like every breakup where a baby mama is involved,  it turns into a bash party. So if she takes a stand to protect her kids, she is a bitter bitch.  It doesn’t matter is she is sending her kids to the dads house, and he has an unstable girlfriend. One who secretly hates her just because she is the mother of his child (there are women like that). How safe is that environment for her child?

She better send them.

It doesn’t matter if dad has a hoe house with different chicks watching the kids while he is out kicking it.

She better send them.

So baby mamas are put in rough predicaments and placed under huge judgements and scrutiny.

Let take a minute and think about your friend(s) who was discarded, left by the baby daddy of perhaps things just didn’t work out. This woman is now dealing with raising a child/children on her own , many times completely alone. Honestly, visitation does not equate to shared custody. Hell shared custody sometimes ain’t 50/50. Many times, the mom has to deal with mental overload. The emotions of her child due to the back and forth tug of war, as well as, her own emotions.

I remember when my son was still small and was going to his dad’s house. I was still nursing him, I remember as my breast were filling up with more milk I was developing more anxiety. It didn’t help that when I would text his dad to check on him, he would be petty and ignore my text.

That was a lot to handle for a mom suffering postpartum depression, having a small child spend nights away and still trying to maintain sanity with working and raising another child.  Moms constantly worry about their children and there should be respectable communication between the parents. But hey, send him to dad right?  Society says, “toughen up baby mama!”

Never mind the importance of a child being nurtured and cared by their mother during their vital early years. Never mind the emotions a woman has postpartum, and the support she needs as well. Never mind that it is difficult to properly nurture your child when you are dealing with distress, drama, lack of stability and a fucked up judicial system.

The general consensus is that the mom has to give her baby over regardless of the mental, physical or emotional abuse she suffers. On the flipside, the moms who do hand their child over are judged when shit goes wrong. Just like the mom I told you about earlier.

Of course, every situation is different and there are some baby mamas who are the cause of many issues. But that doesn’t represent all. My point is think twice before you judge anyone and you don’t know their story.

It is extremely important that we acknowledge and support our baby mothers too, as they play a major role in shaping our future. Instead of being looked down upon they need to be uplifted and cared for. The village is not just for the child. We are a village and we must keep uplifting all parties that reside in this shared space.

-Tahnee Cole

Pregnant after 30…

Lately, I have been entertaining the thought of having a final baby. Only because I have started to really consider a friendship turned into a relationship and possibly marriage is the next discussion. But, the thought of having a baby after 30 is scary to me, especially since I am 34..

How could I not have a baby for my husband?

My friend at work was discussing that her aunt had her final baby at 43. She had tried for a girl 4 times and finally conceived her on her 5th try. I’m kind of glad I got one of each because it truly gave me the opportunity to say I could stop at two, but Idk…

I was definitely born to be a mom, but I also want to enjoy some of my life too without very small children depending on me. I still say that at least by 40 I would have an adult child, a pre-teen and then maybe if I had one within a year or so, one starting school…

There is so much to think about when it comes to starting and raising a family together. Especially, when it comes to starting over as a blended family. The last few years if I would date a man and he wanted more kids, I would instantly stop dating him. I was convinced I was done. However, just recently my little ovaries has been jumping when I see a baby. Preferably another baby girl.

Then I hear the horror stories about the women in their mid 30s going through very rough life threatening pregnancies. God knows I was sick as a dog during both my pregnancies, suffering from severe morning sickness, but I survived.

I keep thinking to myself that my desires only come from the fact that my children are getting older and more independent. As a mom, you can have the tendency to rely on your children needing to be nurtured by you as a way to establish your identity.  So as your children need you less it can be scary.

Maybe it is the fact that my son is finally off the breast and starting school soon. Maybe it is because my daughter will be a teenager this year.

As parents, when we are going through the tough baby phase we cannot wait until our children grow, but as they grow you tend to miss the same moments that stressed you out.

At this point in my life, if the relationship grows into a beautiful marriage, I will be open to having another baby.  However, I am not planning on more children without a solid foundation of trust and security. Even then it is not always promised that things will work out. Still, I will remain positive and let God lead.

Mom life is a beautiful life. Family is a blessing. Only God knows what life is in store for me.

  • Tahnee Cole

F*ck him, how is that for therapy? #parentingwithanincarceratedparent

Hey Mamas,

I started therapy a year ago.

In secret. I didn’t want my family to judge me. I didn’t grow up on therapy, I grew up on prayer.

To be honest, it was surface level at first. I didn’t truly want to step out of my comfort zone because, “I’m strong”.

As a matter of fact, I am identified as one of the strongest ones in my family. So how was I supposed to be vulnerable? Especially, with someone who doesn’t know shit about me.

So I looked at therapy to discuss the issues I had with others (their faults) and downplay my own.

I’m not the problem, they are. It’s Tahnee’s world and they just live in it.

However, just recently Heaven attended therapy with me to discuss her issues she was dealing with, in regards to her dad being incarcerated.

Then my eyes were opened.

We had a group therapy session and my daughter let the cat out the bag.
I was insensitive about her dad being away. I had grown to have a fuck him, he made a poor decision, attitude. Which was different from how I use to feel.

The truth is, Heaven’s dad was my official first love and I was crushed when he had been sentenced to 25 years in prison.

But the distance and burden of me having to raise a young child on my own had turned me cold towards him.

The allegations involved declared him guilty for the murder of a woman known as a prostitute.   Yet, even though the evidence that was used to convict him was sketchy, I remember feeling humiliated in court. Sexual favors for cash? And now because of his foolishness my daughter could never have a father & daughter dance.

Of course, I was his ride or die chick pleading to the judge letter after letter, visiting and accepting those high ass phone calls.

I remember one day he had asked me to buy an electronic and I snapped.

How the hell was I going to support him and my daughter? Who was supporting me?

His anger for being locked up made him take things out on me and we slowly began to fall apart. I mean we never stopped talking, but things have never been  the same…

Fast forward to today and through therapy,  I realized that my material over-compensating for his missing presence was not helping my daughter heal. Nor was it filling the voids.

The fact of the matter was, he was missing and she was missing him.

But I was confused, she didn’t want to visit him in jail and they spoke on the phone often so..what was I supposed to do?

I was instantly defensive, “Heaven what am I supposed to do, he fucked up not me, I’m here?” 

The therapist let me speak and then said , “Heaven can you tell me how you feel about your mom’s statement.

No she’s right. I love my mom, but she feels how she feel.” Heaven said with her head down.

I was about to get defensive again, but I was quiet.

Heaven had basically showed me the issue. I was shutting her down when she had explained her feelings about her dad and now my baby wasn’t comfortable talking to me.

I had my dad so I had no understanding of how she felt and showed no compassion (not intentionally).

My heart meant well, but my delivery was shitty.

I spent days explaining to my daughter the statistics of children with an incarcerated parent, and drilling in her head that she has to succeed regardless of the numbers.

Explaining to her not to use her dad’s absence as an excuse to do less in life and to survive off the one parent she has, that is rooting for her.

Telling her to get over the fact her dad was missing, is not right.

This hard truth has helped me realize my flaws as a parent, but also as a woman who obviously has not healed from this situation.

To be continued…

They only see you leave early… #WORKINGMOMCHALLENGES

A mom friend and I had a discussion about moms vs the workplace…

We both agreed that we realized how difficult working mom life can be once our children hit school age.  For many career moms, it appears to be more difficult when your child is an infant. First, there is the separation anxiety. At this point, you are faced with the many adjustments such as:

Selecting and surviving child care,

deciding on a nanny,

home-care of a daycare facility.

It is possible that you may find a little confidence when your children finally hit preschool. Unfortunately, with parenthood you realize that your routine is constantly changing especially when you get comfortable. LOL. They start school and you have to adjust again. Honestly, school brought on its fair share of challenges, as it relates to my career life.

Here is my perspective:

Well or should I say lemme (let me) break it down..

There is Summer break, Thanksgiving break, Christmas/Winter break, Spring break, random holidays off and of course our famous EARLY OUT DAYS.   The truth is many moms work in careers where the school hours are not conducive to the career mom schedule. Which means that we have to either find more flexible careers or save up plenty of PTO. We may even have to stay in constant communication with our employer. In layman’s terms, let them know what the hell is going on so that we can cover our ass and keep our job. Remember, we are not only required to be great moms, but to also still be considered a valuable worker.

I noticed once my daughter started school that 3 pm dismissal was not working for me.  For most moms the school hours are not flexible enough to drop off or pick up their children. If you can do one or the other your are lucky. So moms are trying to figure out transportation services, before and after care, bus routes, carpooling, etc. And again, the early out days. At this point, there is nothing left to do besides LEAVE WORK EARLY. Make sure you say it again and listen to those echoes behind.

It is not a sin; however, my friend and I also discussed our experiences with co-workers when they found out you had to leave early. Especially, if it had something to do with one of your children. I can say that the current company I work for is very family friendly. Yet, in the past, I have worked for corporations that were not as forgiving about leaving due to personal family issues.

I remember I had a situation myself when I was leaving work eight minutes earlier and one of my coworkers had the audacity to look at his watch and say is “your watch fast?”. He was joking, but I was not.  I wanted to say, ” Excuse me a$$hole, you come in work late every single day, your performance is mediocre at best and you have the audacity to check me!” I didn’t care if he was joking I was sick of people only acknowledging anything negative.

Not many people understand the stress and struggles of the working mom. The constant need to balance being a great mom and a great employee is challenging. Plus, I never heard anyone joke about the days I was there extra early, or the nights I worked from home after hours, or the weekends I was putting in.  Or the days I hauled ass into work after being up late when a crying baby, or a sick child with a fever. Or how about beating it into work after running back to the school to give my child a backpack or lunch they forgot. So please, a few minutes early out should never be a major concern or to be put on spotlight.

Sadly, that is just some of the discrimination that career moms deal with on the day to day basis. Despite it, we still keep moving and do our best to debunk any theories that we are less than the average worker. We strive to prove that we are more efficient and proficient than our counterparts. It is just a shame we still have to do way more than we need to prove ourselves. When in my case, the numbers don’t lie.

 

Tahnee Cole

HAPPY HOLIDAYS, HAPPY NEW YEAR AND HAPPY WINTER! (WINTER NEWSLETTER ENCLOSED)

Hello,

I am committed to working on all the projects that will keep my mom tribe engaged and encouraged.  Every season I will be uploading a seasonal newsletter. My last newsletter was for the Fall Season. If you enjoyed that edition, please check out my Winter edition. Download it and  read it whenever you want.

What you can expect out of this issue is :

  • Winter activities to do with your family

  • My favorite mom must haves

  • Preparation for the new year

  • Holiday treats

I am sorry I was a little late, I was trying to stay present with my family during the holiday season. My initial plan was to upload on the Winter Solstice, but it is always better to be late than never. Follow the arrow and get your copy today.

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WINTER NEWSLETTER 2019.2020 official

 

STAY POSITIVE, STAY FOCUSED, STAY COMMITTED

LOVE, TAHNEE COLE

Last Minute Gift Ideas for a Tween Like Mine…

If you are looking for last minute ideas for a tween girl like mine, here are 10 gifts she will probably love. This is not all tweens, but girls who are like my baby girl Heaven!

  1. Nails/ Nail polish- My daughter has quite a nail collection. She enjoys doing her friends nails for some pocket change (future business woman), and she also likes buying press on nails. The press on nails are so nice now they look like you got a manicure from a professional salon!nail polish

  2. Anything Justice- Heaven has loved Justice since she was 6. She loves the clothes, jewelry, accessories for her room, back packs, lunch boxes, and much more. The store is specifically for girls and you cannot go wrong purchasing a gift there. justice

  3. Phone cases- My daughter has an iphone. I broke down and bought her one earlier this year, but she  has to have a case that can match her many outfits. You can find phone cases anywhere, but her favorite place is Claire’s Boutique. phone case

  4. Lip gloss- No make up yet, but she is into the sweet glossy (extra glossy) lip stage. She also likes to make her own. So I also purchased her a lip gloss kit which is a great gift. Hey, they can use the kit to start their own business. #girlboss #kidboss

  5. Bookbag purse and fanny packs- My daughter is really into purses to match her outfits. It funny because I remember being into bookbag purses and fanny packs when I was her age. Girls love bags so it is a great gift idea.

  6. Colored Extensions- It took me a minute to get into this trend, but I gave in. Heaven loves colored hair, so I allow her to buy colored extensions to add in her braids for fun. . It’s a unicorn, Vsco girl phase I guess. A lot of girls are into either the clip in extensions, or even the spray in color. We use to use spray and Kool-Aid! lol heavegiftblog2

  7. Scrunchies- All Vsco girls like scrunchies to wear around their wrist, so load up on different colors to match their outfits. You can get them from dollar stores all the way to department stores.

  8. Bath bombs/ smell goods- Bath and body is one of my daughters favorite stores. Most girls like to smell sweet and good. So buying a young lady you know some sweet smelling lotion or body wash will definitely be a hit for Christmas.

  9. Journal/ Books/ Planners- Girls like to write about their goals, dreams, their days, who their best friends are and their plans. They also like to read. This year I bought my daughter all three. A journal to write her daily life goals and secrets. Plus a book called The Confidence Code for girls by Katty Kay & Claire Shipman.book

  10. Gift cards- Lastly, you can never go wrong with gift cards. If you just don’t know what to get just buy a gift card and they can buy what they want!! Some popular gift cards are ITUNES, APPLE, AMAZON.

Beating the Busy Mom Blues During the Holidays!

Tis the Season to be jolly, busy AF, overwhelmed, happy, depressed, broke, etc…

Listen Mamas, life does NOT have to be the exact same, year after year. You have to find ways to make things better. Life is about learning what works and doing it.

As I get older, I am learning to find ways to make my life simpler. Especially, during the holiday season.

Below is a list of things I do to make the holiday season less stressful.

Legggooooo…

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  Take a moment, breathe and observe the beauty of the season….

  • If you live in Cleveland, Ohio like me, you will probably see snow. Although, most of us are sick of the snow; we will admit that it looks pretty during the Holiday Season. It is nice to see the Christmas lights and eat holiday treats. The ambience of the season makes me feel so warm and snuggly. So try to find something you love to look at and focus on that. I love to make the house look really pretty and festive. This year I wanted a lot of red, so I bought some beautiful silk poinsettia plants.

 

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You don’t have to attend all those holiday parties Sis…

  • Unless it is mandatory, stop burning yourself out going to every holiday party. Pick and choose the ones you want to attend. It can be a burden because then you are worried about holiday attire and if you have to bring something (say potluck) it can get very expensive. Spend this holiday season doing what you like and not forcing yourself to be everywhere.

Create Traditions instead of hitting up every event…

  • This is similar to my last tip. I like to do a lot of stuff with my kids, but there is so much to do. I try to make sure that I am not overdoing, trying to attend every festive kid event. With the kids having school parties I am involved in, Church events and family events, it can become overwhelming. So I stick to some of our traditions and add a few new ideas. We always go to The Polar Express reading time at Barnes and Nobles. Then we take pictures with Santa where the kids draw pictures for the children at Rainbow hospital. It is a free event, but I always donate money. We also take a family Christmas picture. This year we will be adding to the year by going sledding and picking out a real Christmas tree. We are keeping it fun, but staying organized.

 

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Have a drink…

  • I don’t care if is wine, tea, hot chocolate or eggnog. Sit back turn on your favorite show, kick up your feet and relax. It is a must to take some time to yourself and live in the moment. My favorite drink always makes me smile. I am going to try something new this year. I’m thinking something creamy with just a tad of liquor in it. I might even throw a peppermint in it to make it festive. LOL

Get some help…

  • Order your groceries, find a gift wrapper, gift shop online and find a babysitter. Do whatever you need to do, to eliminate stress from trying to do so much. We often think we have to do it all, but we do not.

Make things convenient…

  • Either have the holidays festivities at your house or don’t. Do what makes you feel comfortable and what is convenient. This year I had Thanksgiving at my moms and Christmas will be at my house. Christmas is easier to host at my house so the children don’t have to leave their gifts. But do whatever you like. Just make sure that convenience is your top priority.

I could go on and on with all types of tips, but I wanted to keep it simple.  I hope you (my lovely tribe), will enjoy this holiday season. I am sending prayers to anyone suffering a loss, because it is usually magnified during the holiday season. I pray for your peace, happiness and prosperity. As always I love you all!

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Love Tahnee Cole

Being the only black working mom…

Usually, I never feel out of place because I don’t compare myself to others. However, I felt really weird after having a conversation with a group of moms at our kids reading time. One mom in particular.

We were all at a round table, drinking coffee and peeking in at our children to make sure they were behaving. I didn’t pay attention to me being black until one of the moms said, “it is so nice to see some color and not just moms like me.” I smiled and then there was awkward silence.

“Are you from around here?” she said.

One of the other moms who was also caucasian looked annoyed. I could tell she was thinking enough already with the awkward small talk.

I was wondering where she had been, because we attended this reading event frequently. I was not a newbie. If I was not mistaken, I had seen her a couple times and she usually never said anything.

Today, must have been a good day to be nosey. Maybe she had friendly intentions so I decided to entertain her a little, with very little info.

“I’m from a different suburb, but my mom lives over here.” I said after taking a sip of my coffee.

I pulled out my laptop and she wanted to continue the conversation. Instead, she just made a general comment amongst everyone.

“Isn’t it good to be out of the house ladies? Stay at home mom life can be something else.” She said as if she was sighing.

A few of the moms laughed in unison and shook their heads in agreeance.

She went on..

“Granted, we still have to chase them around the library, but at least it is nice to let the Librarian keep their attention for a moment.” she said.

She focused her attention on me. I was certain she could tell by my business suit and laptop that I was probably not a SAHM.

“I only know about career mom life, but I get you.” I said smiling.

“Omg, how do you do it? I would miss my kids so much and would not want anyone else raising them.” Her face was turned up as if I had given my kids up for adoption.

The other moms looked surprised that she had the nerve.

The irony of her just being happy having momentary freedom, but then speaking on missing her children if she had a career made me chuckle.

I smiled and remained classy.

“I wouldn’t say raise them per say. My definition of raising might be a tad different from yours though. I’m the sole provider so I have to make a living. Besides, having multiple strong influences, and individuals assisting me with taking care of my children is vital to my family structure. I love having a strong village to help support me, while I take on the world. I am dedicated to showing my kids I am multi-talented and capable of achieving my goals.  Providing them with a living example of success and perseverance.  Yes, I miss my kids, but I would be missing me if I was not living in my purpose. I spend plenty of time with them even when I am exhausted, like right now. The librarian is watching over my son now, but she is not raising him. It is great to stay at home, but that is not the life all moms desire. Nor do all moms have that opportunity, even if they did want to.” I said.

She smiled and looked a little embarrassed. Then spoke, “oh no, I meant no harm or offense, you are commendable. I wish I had the drive.”

I handed her the card to search my blog.

“Different strokes for different folks. All mom life is a challenge…

“Agreed” said another mom winking at me.

-Tahnee Cole