Teaching my son there is a Black Superman, he is.

The picture of my son in 2018 wearing his Superman costume inspired this post. He looks so strong, confident and majestic. He truly believes that he can do anything. Which is why daily, I find myself having to convince him not to jump down the flight of stairs.

But, I don’t want that confidence to disappear. I want him to keep believing in himself. To strive for heights that most think are unachievable for him. I want to see him smash his goals, conquer the unconquerable and beat the stereotypes placed on him through statistics.

It is unfortunate when I only hear negative news, and see more negative images about men who look like my son. It kills me when I hear stories of black boys with bright futures who turn to a life of crime. Simply because they no longer see Superman as a true future. They once had bright smiles like my son , they once believed, but one day something happened.

It is important that we teach our sons they are our Superheroes, despite the negative depictions placed over them.  We have to encourage our sons to take responsibility for their lives and hold them accountable for their actions. With confidence that, they can one day be the leading examples of our world.

I told my son that he has the power and ability to do whatever he desires. The same super powers he has when he puts on his cape now, will never leave him.  That power will manifest in a different form, according to his human abilities to change the entire world.

So I tell my son, he is Superman.

We must tell our young men that he is, Superman.

From a Mom who loves and believe in her son..

Tahnee Cole

“If you leave that damn coat at school, don’t come home!”

Hey, I’m a black mom and I’m extra AF (as f*ck), if you aren’t familiar with the acronym. LOL

Excuse my French, but there is no better way to describe my parenting style when it comes to trying to prove a point to my kids.

When my kids leave the house during the Fall and Winter season, I find myself giving them a lecture. Not only about making sure they keep on their coats, but keeping up with their coats. Hats, scarves and gloves as well.

My mama said it to me and I am pretty sure my grandma said it to her.

“If you leave the coat at school, don’t come home.”

For some reason, my kids need me to take it to the extreme to prove to them that I am not playing with them and ….

Ain’t nobody got time for that!

They not only need their coats to stay warm and avoid getting sick. But mama pays good money to keep them warm and I want to see them look like they left the house.

The coats are usually not a huge issue, because they don’t want to freeze those little honey buns off. However, I feel like I replace gloves all winter.  So far the old stick the gloves in the hat and hat in the sleeve trick is working.

If not, I hope the school has some bunk beds, because I mean what I said before.

LOL

jr coat

From A Mom, trying to keep her kids warm

XOXO

Tahnee Cole

“MOMMY, WHY?”

When your lids start asking questions…

BLACK PUMPS PINK SLIPPERS

Time with a two year old can be so precious. Their observation on life is so unique and the questions never seem to stop.

I thought my daughter would ask the personal questions first. However, she is a bit more reserved and just goes with the flow.  Yet, I could definitely depend on my son. He needs all the information on any situation and will not let me off the hook with a weak response.

I wasn’t prepared for this though. The sudden unexpected questions about dad…

He had asked me before, but I usually would distract him with another topic or a fruit snack. However, this time there was no room for avoidance.  Having an uncannily articulate child can be a gift and a curse.  LOL

Picture him sitting right next to me Indian style on our living room floor. We were still opening boxes from our basement storage and looking through photo…

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A Different Approach

Growing Pains…

BLACK PUMPS PINK SLIPPERS

As I type this post I am shaking…

I am not a scary person. I trust my abilities and I have faith in myself. I like to think of myself as brave. Yet, when it comes to my children there are times that I lose complete confidence in myself.

I have fears that are beyond my control. I fear they are not happy. I fear that there may be issues with their health due to the exposure of harsh chemicals, contaminated food and lack of care from people who do not think like me. I suffer from “nobody can care for my babies like me” syndrome. That thought process traps me in a prison of fear and worries. Those worries create anxiety and over protectiveness. I fear that even when I am giving my absolute best that I am not doing enough.

Recently, my daughter had been struggling in school. She wasn’t…

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Committed to a Goal

Just a flashback of the easier days!

BLACK PUMPS PINK SLIPPERS

My daughter truly inspires me! She is a mini, better and more improved version of me.

The child who always speaks positivity over all situations.

The little girl who wants everybody to get along. My little social butterfly. My Heaven!

I speak a lot on my blog about commitment and sticking to goals. It is important to not only create goals, but to take action steps to do what we desire to do. All my positive encouraging words has not gone unheard, because my children are proving to me daily that they desire to be successful.

After the first quarter report card my daughter made the Merit roll by a few points per her GPA. Although, I was proud of her because she had transitioned to a new school, a new environment and endured a couple of  bullies. She was not satisfied. She is definitely my child because we are not satisfied with just…

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Let me be candid, and keep it funky about co-parenting.

Everything is picture perfect now.

You get on social media and the portrayal of a perfect life is the new norm.

The influencers at times, can influence people to live a lie or contribute to insecurities.

Insecurities about fantasies.

A spotless home (usually a mansion), a perfect faithful husband, perfect well-manner kids and my favorite:

Perfect co-parenting relationships…

Look, I am sure there are some very healthy, team player type co-parenting relationships out there. And trust me when I say, I’m proud of them. However, there are a lot of couples who are constantly a work in progress. Co-parenting can be a roller coaster journey, because it can often depend on what the parent is dealing with in his or her own life. Co-parenting can often be difficult for a number of reasons.

Here are a few I have heard outside of my own journey:

  1. Maybe you didn’t get along when you were together . So trying to come to agreements apart can prove to be even more difficult.
  2. Emotions could still be there. Some people don’t want to admit it, but the love they still have for their partner could affect how they raise the kids. The feelings can be  one -side or on both sides. To be honest, many times it is on both sides, but one person is usually in denial.
  3. Still sleeping around and causing confusion. Sex with the ex can be a big “no,no”.
  4. Or you flat out can’t stand each other. So raising a kid together is now another burden and you simply wish the other person would get lost.

Well co-parenting is not something that can be forced or suddenly changed. Depending on how the situation ended, that usually dictates the dynamic of the relationship. It is rough and some days it takes the energy out of you. There will be ups and downs, good days and bad ones.

So yes, it is ok and you do not have to be picture perfect. Do not text you ex and expect them to want to do a photoshoot for social media. Just to prove that you are both mature individuals raising your kids.

Let it flow and pray about it. Be your best self and realize that time will heal everything. Things will change and force people to change.  I am all for broadcasting healthy examples and trying to promote peace and prosperity. However, I am all for people being honest about where they are in life, and not feeling judged or belittled because their family structure does not resemble another.

So live life on your terms and be able to accept where you are at that moment.

Trust me, it will bring you peace and worse case scenario, you and your ex are never able to meet eye to eye. You can be satisfied knowing that you tried, but able to accept that you can’t control anyone, but you.

And honestly, there is more to life than social media facades.

From a Mom, who is just being honest…

Tahnee Cole

YOU ARE NOT OBLIGATED…

 

Don’t forget I am a Today Parents contributor…

https://community.today.com/parentingteam/post/you-are-not-obligated-to_1572064421

Hit the link and like the article!

But first…

Are you a parent who struggles to find your voice in certain situations?

It can be tough and we all have our moments.

It is important though that we are able to tell our children “No”.

Not because we are mean, but simply because they will be told no many times and they need to be prepared. They need to be able to accept a “No”, without having a meltdown or becoming violent.

There is nothing wrong with telling them “NO”.

PRACTICE WITH ME and spell it out, “N-O”!!!

 

HIT THE LINK BELOW

https://community.today.com/parentingteam/post/you-are-not-obligated-to_1572064421

 

Tahnee Cole

“THE MOMMY MOTIVATOR”

And Yes, I’m a Mom…

There is such a strong stigma that comes with being a mom. So many expectations, so many requirements. Most of the time, we feel damned if we do, damned if we do not.

One of the most common criticisms I have received is that since I am a mom, I can no longer be viewed as sexy. I am expected to trade in my bikini for a t-shirt when I go to the beach. I am expected to hide myself as though I am no longer an individual. Why can’t I be proud of the body I have as a 30 something mother of two?

I work for a high profile corporate company and on most days I am required to wear business professional attire. So I love to kick back on the weekend and dress how I please. There is a such thing as being tasteful and displaying your beauty. I think a mother is one of the sexiest titles a woman can own. We are the epitome of sexiness! Our bodies are like rubber bands. They stretch, but they can bounce back!

After having my second child, I was feeling down about my body. The drastic changes postpartum can be overwhelming. I started going to the gym to make myself look and feel better. It worked! I could see the changes in my body and my mind. So why am I criticized for wearing a form fitting dress or a pair of shorts? After a long time of feeling bad; I was feeling good and desirable. I salute all the mamas who are proud of their bodies. As long as, I am not degrading myself or embarrassing my children with my image. I will continue to celebrate my femininity and be proud of this body that has created lives and legends. Yes, you are a mom now, but you can still be sexy!

Surviving the Village…

Every mom and dad needs a Village.

They say it takes a village to raise a child.

There will come a point when you can no longer do everything yourself.

Your advice will no longer be enough.

You will need someone to pick up the kids when you are unable to.

God forbid you fall ill and need an extra shoulder to lean on.

The truth is, you will need help at some point during your parenthood journey.

 Yet, can you survive and embrace the Village? Do you have the ability to simply put your pride aside? Can you accept your Village in their rawness?

This will be the real them. The flawed them. The village that will not always have the same thought process as you. However, they are still a Village, your Village.

They each will have a unique perspective on how to raise the kids. A unique relationship with your child. The parent that you co-parent with might not always agree with your decisions. Will this make you crumble, shutdown and force yourself to take on all the challenges alone?  Will you throw a tantrum like a child or are you willing to hear them out? Can you come to an agreement, agree to disagree?

What about co-existing with your nagging mother in law (who is obviously going to be a part of your village)? Or will you shut her out because she is becoming overbearing and opinionated?

 As I get older, I am realizing that a Village who is likeminded makes me feel more comfortable. However, that is not always a guarantee. In a perfect world, we would like everyone to do what we say, when we say, but that is not reality. So we have to accept that the people in our village will contribute something different to our kids lives. I am almost positive that different opinions will benefit one day, because lets face it, we are not always correct.

So, personally I have to allow myself to gain the maturity and wisdom to allow help and strengthen my Village without being judgemental and stubborn.

So the next time you are shutting a family member out, because they disagree with you. Take a moment and try to consider their perspective.

Think about this, are you pushing away your Village? Or are you trying to build your Village stronger?

Can you survive your Village?

From A Mom who is trying to build and not burn her village down!

Tahnee Cole

Honest Mom Series: I am allowed to feel this way…

So I’m going to be honest, not many people will take me serious when I say that I often suffer from body issues. If you return to a small frame after having a baby, most people say you have great snapback. Or whatever you want to call your body returning to its similar pre-baby shape.

Most moms are aware of the differences from their prenatal and postpartum body. Whether the changes are dramatic or slightly noticeable. Many women have to overcome many challenges when it comes to accepting their body for what it is. Especially, if they are against surgery. And for those who aren’t against hard work, working out!

Yes, I get a ton of compliments daily on my post baby physique. Many people say I still look to be in my  20s and without any kids.

I slightly agree. I know the difference. I see the changes.

I will say that I am not disgusted with my shape.  I’m damn proud of being a mom, but it is natural to feel, different.

I think it happens when I compare how I use to look after staring at a photo from the past. Thanks a lot FB memories!

Even the smallest details makes me feel as though I don’t look as good as I use to. Not to mention I am moving into my thirties! The fear of totally falling apart scares the crap out of me.

I know that living a healthy life is helpful and genetics play a role.  I have great genes looking at my mom and dad. Yet, there is just something about watching your body transform over the years that can cause fear.

I know my biggest struggle has been my breast. I use to have beautiful 36 C size perky breast.  Unfortunately, after breastfeeding for the second time, I was left with flat breast that remind me of a Slinky!

slinky

Two little sad breast begging to be in a bra. In the past, it was not uncommon for me to walk around without a bra. The only way you would know is if the room was cold. But I can’t do that now. Although, they are slowly regaining mass and plumping up, I got to wear a bra every single day so that I will look pulled together. That bothers me.

I have always been proud of my breastfeeding journey and glad my sacrifice benefitted my babies. I was also very happy I was able to feed my babies without complications, but I often feel sad that my breast changed right before my eyes. And its ok that I feel that way, it is normal.

I know a lot of moms struggle with the discontentment of their bodies and are often riducled for the emotions that trail behind.

Many people say that while we are complaining, somebody is wishing that they could have a baby. And of course that woman would trade places to have those stretch marks of sagging boobs. But we are allowed to be upset. It is upsetting that a mom cannot just feel how she feels without all the unnecessary judgements.

We are human and we feel emotions. You’re allowed to feel this way. I’m allowed to feel this way.

From A Mom who is just being honest…

Tahnee Cole