#MOMGOALS with Tahnee Cole: Chynita Kirkman

I know this beautiful mom personally, but I never knew she was struggling with anxiety. It is funny how we know people by face, but we do not know their struggle or their journey. Because of that, we are sometimes judgemental of one another.

Not on this platform.

My blog is to uplift, inspire and encourage moms. Letting them know, I got you girl. I understand.

Chynita Kirkman who is an Insurance Service Representative touched my heart with her transparency about her anxiety and depression. She is a single mom of two wonderful kids. She deals with the regular challenges that come along with being a working mom. Yet, she is also brave enough to be very transparent about her working on her anxiety issues. The same issue that has caused some people to hide in a corner and die. She is choosing to find ways to fight back.

“I had full medical work done only for the doctor to tell me I had panic disorder, depression and anxiety.” She said in a brief interview.

I felt her pain because I also suffered from panic disorder at one point. It was so bad at first that I use to think I was having a heart attack. I would also go to the doctor, they would run test and say that I was fine. There is nothing worse than someone telling you that you are ok, when you’re not.

Chynita went on to discuss that she opted to overlook all treatments at first, but realized that the treatments were going to help her. She decided that she wanted to gain control of her life and flourish in her career. I’m so glad that Chynita showed that seeking treatments or medication does not make you a failure. It shows that you are brave and are making an effort to help yourself.

I reached out to her after hearing about her therapy sessions. I was curious about how therapy was improving her life. I was also very proud that she was actually doing something to help her struggle. Some people are so afraid of therapy, but it is very beneficial. She discussed how she is working through her obstacles one day at a time. Chynita is a clear example that all moms have struggles, but she is living proof that she can handle anything. I’m so proud to know I have wonderful mom friends, living real lives.

Let’s celebrate and uplift this mom for her courage, her transparency and bless her journey. This mom is… #GOALS

From A Mom That Cares

-Tahnee Cole

Happy International Women’s Day

Today, I think of everything I have faced as a woman. Surprisingly, I have no shame when it comes to my struggles. Every setback. Every challenge. Every single “NO”. Every single time I was called a ᗷITᑕᕼ. Every single time I was discredited and belittled. I survived. My head still held high.

I am resilient. I am fearless. I am a woman.

Ladies, we have raised our families on unfair wages. It has taught us how to be innovative. I mean look at Pinterest. So many women are creators.

We are teaching our children through our example that we have the power to create, embrace and embody change. Women, we are the epitome of birth and creation. We are creating careers and businesses that allow us to utilize one of our best gifts, multitasking. We are creating change so that we can live out our purposes. We are growing as individuals while fully taking care of our families. We are birthing new ideas of abundance and embedding it in the minds of our children. Teaching them to avoid the old ideas of scarcity, and to seek abundance. In other words, we are teaching our children to be fearless and flourish.

Ladies we are so engulfed in the courage of our female ancestors; that we are building upon their ideas, and customizing them to our current reality. We are embracing change and building upon our capabilities. We are setting the standards and letting everyone know. It is ok to be unmarried. It is ok to choose a career. It is ok to choose to or not to have children. It is ok to be profit driven. And it damn sure is great to be, a WOMAN.

Happy International Women’s Day!

Love,

Tahnee Cole

A Different Approach

 

As I type this post I am shaking…

I am not a scary person. I trust my abilities and I have faith in myself. I like to think of myself as brave. Yet, when it comes to my children there are times that I lose complete confidence in myself.

I have fears that are beyond my control. I fear they are not happy. I fear that there may be issues with their health due to the exposure of harsh chemicals, contaminated food and lack of care from people who do not think like me. I suffer from “nobody can care for my babies like me” syndrome. That thought process traps me into a prison of fear and worries. Those worries create anxiety and over protectiveness. I fear that even when I am giving my absolute best that I am not doing enough.

Recently, my daughter had been struggling in school. She wasn’t making good choices. Her selection of friends had changed.  It had been all of a sudden and I was not sure what to do. I was praying, trying to speak positive words into her and trying to resist from yelling and screaming at her. I did that one day and she gave me a blank stare. That let me know that nothing I was saying, penetrated.

“I have to have confidence that one day it will click. I have to have confidence that my children will trust that I have their best interest at heart.”

I had to regroup at work the next day,  and think of a completely different approach.  What can I say without intimidating and belittling her? How can I relate to her and build her up? I was also 11 years old trying to figure out life just like her. Except, I had my dad in the household and he was not incarcerated. I had went through puberty and it was scary. Except, I did not have so much vulgar social media flashed in my face daily. I did understand though how it felt to watch my body transform from a little girl to a young woman. The fear and curiosity I felt when I began to notice men looking at me different.

Why were they watching me like that and why was mommy becoming more protective of me?

I began hearing conversations from my friends that I was uncomfortable and intrigued with at the same time. I was no Saint and even though I want the absolute best for my children, I had to be honest. The truth is: they are growing up and they are going to make mistakes just like I did, it is inevitable.  

My approach in the house had become Absolute Dictator and that was not going to work anymore. I had to get on her level, talk in her language and let her know that I understand. For me, that was tough because I still want to make sure that I am maintaining the respect level while being relatable. I had to figure out a way to explain that I still remember when I was her age, but I understand what she is facing.  It is amazing how changing your delivery gets more results. I have to have confidence that one day it will click. I have to have confidence that my children will trust that I have their best interest at heart. Things are getting better and I believe a healing transformation is on its way after this life learning curve. In the meantime, I will uplift, protect, encourage and build up my children until my heart stops beating.

From a Mom who only wants the best…

-Tahnee Cole

2 Kids, 1 Job and No Man…

April 3, 2017,  felt like a regular Monday. Well actually it didn’t, I was supposed to be going in late to work due to a dentist appointment. I couldn’t help but notice the constant buzzing of my phone while I was getting dressed.  My co-worker was calling me. Matter of fact, she had called me few times which was unusual for her. She was supposed to be at work. I knew something had to be wrong. Perhaps, she forgot her ID badge or wanted me to let the Supervisor know she would be late but…

“Hey Tahnee. They are laying off workers today. I just received my severance package and a notice that my position was eliminated. I’m not sure if you will be too, but I am just warning you.” she said. Her tone was disappointed but pretty calm.

I don’t really think my heart skipped a beat, but instantly my mind flashed to my kids. “2 kids, 1 job and no man”, is what ringed in my head. It is  actually a line in a Jay Z song. This was so befitting to my current life, but now my one and only job could possibly be gone.

What the hell was I going to do if I got laid off? I thought to myself.

Luckily, due to many obstacles in my life, I have grown to have tough skin. As well as, developed a fearless chick persona. My thought process now is: no matter what, I got this!

Well, it happened. I was laid off. My strong work ethic and loyalty to the company was not enough to keep me employed. Fast forward today, I noticed something about my previous employer opposed to my new employer. Both established corporate companies, but the culture is noticeably different. My first week on the job there was an announcement that there would be a layoff. Obviously, this made me a little antsy and I had even questioned, what the hell I had gotten myself into. Yet, I couldn’t help but admire the compassion they had for their workers.  At least they were honest enough to give their employees a fair warning and time to make a decision. My previous company walked me out the building like I was a criminal. There was no fair warning and a secured escort with a box of my personal belongings. A very humbling and embarrassing experience I might add.

When my manager spoke to me, honestly all I could hear was,  “f*ck you and your kids, bye now”.

I could make this personal and name others who should have taken my spot. I could go on and on about how I didn’t deserve it, but I am not one to dwell in the past. I even hesitated about sharing this experience, but I felt it is huge part of my professional history. It was also a major wake up call that I must always secure the bag for my family. That is by never putting my stability solely in the hand of a corporate company. When it comes down to it, most of the time, hard-worker or not, you are just another replaceable number. It was clear that they honestly could care less where my kids meals come from. I was grateful for the health coverage, severance package and my savings.  I was able to take off much needed time with my kids and re-evaluate my professional path.  Obviously, I re-entered the workforce, but I had a different agenda. It is a blessing to receive compensation, but it was still a task starting over and rebuilding after years with a company.

I’m not bitter at all though. This experience stretched me, educated me and built me to be a stronger woman for my new employer, but also helped to empower me to create a business of my own.

From a Mom with Experience.

_Tahnee Cole

#MOMGOALS with Tahnee Cole

Every so often, I will dedicate a post to a significant professional mom who is setting and smashing goals.  I decided to jumpstart this week off with me.

I am Tahnee Cole, the founder and blogger of Black Pumps Pink Slippers. I dedicate this blog platform to build a community for all my career driven moms across the world.

A little about me… blog family pic

I am a millennial mom of two. A tween daughter and a preschool age son.

My professional journey started in 2009, after I graduated from Ursuline College. Ursuline is a predominately female and private college in Ohio. I went straight into the financial industry. I started in banking, then I branched off into commercial real estate doing corporate accounting. My early accounting career focused more on accounts receivable and collections. Now, I currently working as an Analyst in the food and beverage industry. My current Analyst role involves creating and researching data analysis, studying trends, driving dollars and making recommendations for the growth and improvement of a company. I help manage keeping down debt and improving profits.

I have about 9 years of experience in the financial industry. My current goal is to use my expertise and start consulting. I want to start a small business, preparing budget proposals for personal clients. My goal is to work with small businesses and later contract with large companies improving wealth and profit management.

One piece of advice I would give to working moms is to:  Have patience with yourself.  Never feel like you have to rush the process. It is ok to want to improve, but give yourself time to grow and evolve. Also, make sure that you are taking a moment to enjoy your life with you family and friends, especially your kiddies!

Tahnee’s Thoughts: Satisfied?

I was romantically involved with a man who questioned would I ever be satisfied.

 

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He would joke about my lack of contentment. Saying that no matter what goals I smashed, or new endeavors I engaged in I wanted more. Leading him to believe that I will also grow tired of our relationship. He made these comments to the point that I began to combat his comments with insults.

On the defense, I began opposing his stagnation and lack of initiative. Am I lacking contentment or are you just way too damn comfortable?  Perhaps, you are too comfortable in a job that has no security. Plus, way too comfortable living mediocre.  It is safe to say that relationship did not last long. LOL

However, I stand firm in believing that it is quite alright to desire and to have a hunger for more. We are designed to grow, change and to evolve. What is life without actually seeing what you can accomplish, while contributing our gifts to the world? I believe that not being my best self and attaining more would be an insult to my Creator and I’m not ok with that.

I can’t say for sure when I will feel content. I like to think that day will arrive when I know my great, great grandkids are financially and emotionally wealthy. Until that day arrives, I will be setting goals, smashing them and setting up new heights for me to reach.

From a Mom, that desires more…

-Tahnee Cole

A Birthday Letter to Me…

Dear Tahnee,

I want to apologize to you for ever doubting you. I want to say sorry for abusing your body. I apologize for the part I played, helping you engage in mindless intimate connections to recover from pain from your ex (exes).

I want to say sorry for the days I starved you, over-working you for a company who could care less where your next meal comes from. Then I had the audacity to make you feel bad, for asking for that raise that you rightfully deserved.

I am sorry for not speaking up for you the times someone trying to degrade you.  I am sorry for putting pressure on you to live up to societies standards of beauty.

Tahnee, I am so sorry for not helping you end early, situations and people who did not have your best interest at heart. I apologize to you for making you feel guilty for going to work. I know that you have to take care of your children.

I am sorry for making you feel like you have to be so great that you can’t feel pain. I have been bashing you when you are weak and telling you to toughen up.

I am sorry for not patting you on the back for all that you have accomplished. 

I am so sorry Tahnee.  

From this day forward, I vow to TRUST you. I promise to STAND by you. I promise to HELP you NEVER settle. I promise to be there when you are SUCCESSFUL and when you fail. I promise to go on this journey with you; LOVING you and APPRECIATING you for better and for worse. I LOVE you Tahnee and I FORGIVE you.  Happy birthday!

-From Tahnee Cole

Tahnee’s Thoughts: My Success

I was never a girl who planned a wedding…

Yet, I have always dreamed of being successful. Apparently, marriage was not my model for success. I think marriage can be a beautiful union if the interests are genuine and the love is mutual.

However, the epitome of success to me is someone being their best self. Success to me is reaching all of your personal goals while maintaining your personal values.  I started working for corporate America when I was 22 years young.  Every company I have ever worked for has a set of core values. I used those core values to determine if that company and I would be a good fit. As well as, a benchmark for my own life. What are their core values, my morals and my standards of success? And how will that correlate with me achieving my personal and professional goals? Those are the questions I ask myself.  Those are the thoughts I have when I observe and measure whether or not I am living a successful life.

As long as, I do not let anything manipulate my values while trying to reach my goals; I am content with my life path. A companion or partner would be fine, but it will never validate me or interfere with my relevance, self esteem or dignity.

From a Mom Who Values Herself… Her Morals… Her Standards… Her Individuality

Tahnee Cole,

Blogger & Founder of Black Pumps Pink Slippers

HAPPY HALLOWEEN

I thought I would start Halloween off with a funny story. So my kids love dressing alike for Halloween.  No, I didn’t force them. They decided after looking at Jeremey’s poster in his room that they would be Superman and Wonder Woman.

halloween.jpg

So of course, I went to Halloween City and found them matching outfits. Now it was time to decide where we would go to celebrate. The temperature around Halloween can be very tricky. Last year, it was very hot the week we celebrated and the kids were able to show their costumes and enjoy outdoor fun at our local  Zoo. This year the weather seemed like it would be a lot cooler. Well, we happened to find a decent 50 degree evening and we went to a local Candy Crawl.  It is a neighborhood event close to my dads home. The kids are invited to walk down a strip with local bakeries and boutiques. The store owners come out and pass the kids candy. It was an awesome event.

While Heaven, Jeremey and I were walking,  Jeremey was saying, “there better not be another Superman here, I am the only Superman.”

He was so serious that I was afraid that if he did see another Superman he would challenge them to a battle.

Every time we would see a red and blue costume he would stop. Then he would proceed to ask,  “is that someone trying to be me, Superman?”

Fortunately, for them it would be a Spider-Man costume. To make a long story short we did not see any other Superman costumes. I was very happy. I didn’t want Lj to activate any of his Superman powers and cause a commotion.

We did see another Wonder Woman, but she was more than half Heaven’s age.  Perhaps due to the age difference she was safe…

From A humorous mom with equally humorous kids

-Tahnee Cole

THE GET UP

I know how it feels to feel overwhelmed, distressed, depressed and confused.

Where the hell is my happily ever after? My Prince Charming?  Where is my good Karma? It seems like I have done good by folk and I can’t even find a good companion to save my life. All the hours I wasted listening to friends vent and invade my happiness with their sob stories. And I listened… because that is what a good friend is supposed to do right?

But what about me? Can somebody pat me on my back and tell me it will be ok?

Shit, can they at least call me and see if I am still breathing?

Where is my durable umbrella when it rains?

It feels like my world is crashing around me. I am drowning financially. I am suffering emotionally. I am confused spiritually and now its affecting me physically. I can’t sleep well. I can’t eat without feeling sick. My back hurts and I got a headache every other day. I’m trying to stay up to work on my business plan, but my mind is wandering. It is hard keeping my eyes open at 10pm after being up every morning at 4:30 am. Working an 8hr shift, then coming home and working again. Plus, I am mentally drained.

I can’t help but think about the unfairness I am feeling. Plus the News got me feeling some type of way. Police brutality, my peoples negative mentalities, abductions and drugs. I’m depressed because I got a young black boy. I love him, but the streets don’t. Now I can’t think of my plan because I got thoughts of how I got to keep my son out of the streets. I got to raise my son to wear certain clothes so he won’t look threatening. I got to help him debunk the stereotypes of thug, baby daddy, lazy, thief, womanizer and murderer all because of his melanin.

And my daughter…

Yes, she is gorgeous and getting more gorgeous by the day. A gift and a curse. I pray she makes better decisions than me. I’m hard on her because I want her to use her beauty and talent to be a virtuous woman. I want her to stay in school and avoid the slums. I want her to see her true value and self worth at a young age. I want her to be all that she was created to be.

My babies got to be the best version of themselves. Then all the stress I endure will be worth it.

I try to focus again on my plan to change my reality, but my kids are yelling. My kids are my everything, but they are annoying the hell out of me right now. I stop to see what the problem is. I can’t push them away because I have been away from them all day. My son is mad because my daughter won’t give him the last Pop-Tart.

“The last Pop-Tart? Dammit, didn’t I just buy a box?” Another expense I thought to myself.

I see my kids a couple hours a day. Most of our time together is spent eating, getting ready for the next day and then sleeping. I have to get up and go to a job I hate to make ends meet. I thought when I graduated college life was going to fall in place. Three degrees and triple struggles. I shouldn’t be ungrateful though because that job I hate puts food on my table. And for a regular person, they would consider it to be a great job.  It’s not enough though. I have talent. I have ambition and I am on a mission. I wasn’t built for this average life. I never felt average. Yet, I been making some average ass decisions.

I might as well die because everything around me has been crashing down. But hell no, I can’t die because my babies need me. I would haunt the hell out of someone who tries to hurt them even if I was dead.  I just need a long sleep. Just enough time to rejuvenate. I need to revitalize my heart. It’s hurt.

I have just learned how to manage while the pieces of my broken heart has come together.  I feel defeated. I feel like everything I attempt to do turns against me. Friends have left. Family dismissed my pain. They say it is going to be ok when I don’t agree.

I’m not a drinker and I have never smoked before, but stress got me contemplating both.

They tell me to Just pray about it.  But shit I’ve been praying.  My knees are sore from praying. I have had faith like a mustard seed. I have fasted. I called on the prayer warriors.  Matter of fact, I stand tall and I get knocked down constantly. Did God forget about me? I guess me breathing means he still cares about my existence. My prayers are relentless.

I run to my bedroom and fall on the bed. The tears in my eyes. I want to hide my face. I want to hide from myself. I am stronger than this. I been through so much I am a champion right? At least my kids think I am. I even think my family feels that way. I can’t have a breakdown in front of my kids. I am their superhero.

The mere fact that my kids see me crying is embarrassing. They looked shocked that mommy is crying. But unbothered by my weak moment. They have faith in me. More than I have in myself. My son handed me a tissue. My daughter brushed my hair from my face and helped wiped my tears away. I tried to cover my face. Then I heard my son say, “Get up mommy”

So I got up.

And I stood to fight another day!