After having a screaming battle with someone I love and that I have a motherly instinct to protect; I took a sip of my Mimosa and said fuck it. It is normal for a black woman to protect. Smothering. Sometimes Imposing our care on those who don’t need or desire it. The fear that one’s we love may get used, hurt or worse. The audacity of always trying to be a nurturer. Always trying to help. The strength of a black woman is limitless, selfless and unappreciated. 

No sympathy, I’m not writing this because I’m sad or feeling shame. I just feel aware. None of those Tyler Perry break out songs to get your attention. No shade intended, I love Tyler but this ain’t that moment. He always comes to mind when I see depictions of black women such as myself.  I digress…

I just have so much on my heart and mind this morning. All I have been through 37 years, 19 of them an adult. And in all of my years I have mastered being there for everyone but myself. I took pride in being someone else’s shelter even when lightning was striking. The need to constantly protect everyone but me. Putting constant effort into seeing others potential and growth outside of my own. Poor self-esteem, perhaps? Naw, not me. When I look in the mirror ~I’m that bitch. Well-rounded, educated, and fine. Ain’t no way I suffer from low self-esteem. However, poor self-esteem can be disguised in the ability to make continuous efforts to build up others and not have the same interest or focus in building up yourself. A constant trait I see in black women especially mothers. Wrapping ourselves up in our family’s identity to neglect our own. Dimming our light to help someone else shine and calling it strength, resilience, persistence, dedication and loyalty. No fuck that. Excuse my French. We don’t want that. We want balance too. We are not just a body who is of service to others. We have just been groomed that way due to circumstances, but our spirits deserve wellness, it craves purpose and it needs rest. 

My goal this month is to stop being so strong. To sit back, let the cards fall how they do. Stop spending so much time trying protect others and neglect myself. Put everything into watching me flourish, unapologetically. Use my strength where it is intended but seek help when it is necessary.

Where my help is rejected, end it. I ain’t gotta be a superwoman. I can love and give. I can be of service without being overworked. And where I am not appreciated, I can keep it moving.

_Tahnee Cole

Life is moving fast.

I look at my children and every six months they change.

They are taller, stronger and more opinionated. Their interests change and their independence increases. Life is precious and time is more valuable than anything. I realized that I have been putting my energy into a lot of things that clearly prove no value to me in the near future. I have been putting unneccessary energy into situations, people and short-term pleasure that has to be cut.

What is most important is following my purpose, my dreams, watching my children grow, embracing love (true love, LOL). Watching my parents get older and settle into relaxation mode, where they can enjoy themselves, vacation, be grandparents. Watching myself evolve into the business woman I have always desired to be. Attain and sustain the wealth I deserve. Give my body the nurtition it deserves, educated my mind and restore my soul and spirit. And most importantly, pass these examples of great health and wealth down to my children and the generations to come.

I made a vow to myself that I will accept absolutely nothing but the best for my family and myself! It is going to be a tough journey trimming the fat, getting rid of bad habits, but it is a must. I will be documenting this journey and you can watch us as we transition and grow. I am so thankful for my dedicated readers over the years. I remember when I only had 50 email subscribers and I have grown to 624. That is pretty damn good for an inconsistent blogger! I anticipate that with this journey I will have more.

I am proud of myself for not abandoning my baby, Black Pumps Pink Slippers, the career moms digest to balancing career, lifestyle and motherhood. It was created during a painful year of my life. I was at my lowest and wasn’t sure if I was going to continue on with life, but my love for my children and passion for writing would NOT let me fold! That is why I will continue this blog until I no longer can…

whenever that is…

XOXO

-Tahnee Cole

Does it seem like everyone is in the holiday spirit except you?

Christmas trees up, lights blinking and jingle bell singing.

Yet, you feel like the only person in the room not feeling it. Your red and green represents the anger your feel and the green for your envy towards anyone in the holiday spirit.

I have learned to show people grace. We have been taught that anyone who doesn’t celebrate the holiday, specifically Christmas is the Grinch.

It is not ok, to treat anyone who is not fond of the holidays as an outsider.

It is ok to feel this way. It is ok to acknowledge that you do not feel as happy as everyone says that you should feel. It is ok to not be impressed with the decor, put up holiday designs or participate in parties, crafts or anything that resembles the holiday season.

It is hard for parents though, because we do most of our celebrating to create a magical time for our children. If you are forcing yourself to create this holiday ambience for your children, be easy.

It is definitely easier said than done, but don’t force yourself to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. We have to learn to acknowledge why we are upset, and find ways to heal and resolve those emotions. But first we must not cover the issues with doing things that we do not want to do. In my opinion, it only causes us to be more resentful.

I love the holiday season and I usually go all out to celebrate. However, I had a different perspective when a friend of mine confiding in me about not wanting to celebrate. She asked if she can send her children to my home to participate in a few of our holiday fesitivities because she isn’t up to doing anything. Of course, I told her that her children are more than welcome to come with us and if there was anything I can do for her. She explained that Christmas reminds her of her late husband. He was the one who celebrated the most and now she cannot seem to bring that same energy into her household. She asked me my suggestion and I told her that she should find some way to remember him. Find a way to acknowledge what she feels and explain it to her children. They are older and expect the house to keep the same traditons, but I told her that she should create new traditions. Traditions that can remember her husband in a positive way, but also not put pressure on her to live up to expectations of an atmosphere that she can no longer duplicate. She was very impressed with my suggestion and since then said that it is helping her ease back into the holiday spirit.

Of course this is not an easy fix for everyone, but I want to help anyone, especially parents who feel exhausted and depleted during this time. It is easy to give up and feel like you are not doing enough, missing love ones or simply just not being in the mood to celebrate. It is ok to identify, understand your emotions, reassess and move on from there. I hope everyone is having a great holiday season. Stay blessed and try not to stress!

Tahnee COle

I am an active career mom and it is not easy.

Many days I face challenges and chaos, but with great time management and strategy I am able to conquer my days successfully.

There have been many misconceptions about career moms only being concerned about their career and salary. However, many career moms spend a great deal of time making sure that their children are learning and developing properly. Of course, it is very challenging having a career outside of the home and having to focus on meeting and exceeding the standards in our careers.

I have two children that are in different stages of life. My daughter is in middle school and my son is in elementary school. They are now at different schools, so I have to divide my time between the two.

I want to share with you eight ideas to stay an active mom in your child/children’s learning development.

1. Establish a routine-
   • Nighttime stories with my six year old. This has really helped him grow as a reader and is a great way for us to bond.
   • Dinner time chat with my kids just to catch up on the highs and lows of their day. I ask them what was the best part of their day. It is interesting hearing what goes on during their school day.
   • We take weekly trip to the Library, we have always visited the library, but with covid, we had to take a break. We go every other week to finish homework and to spend some time picking out good books to read.
2. Company Volunteer Days– See if your job will approve volunteer work at your child’s school. There are service days many jobs offer, but why not see if you can volunteer your services at your child’s school. I used one of my service days to participate in my daughter’s “field day”. A physical activity day for all students. Not sure what is offered now since covid, but I will be looking into more volunteer days.
3. Take off time – School hours are during traditional work hours. So it is not uncommon to miss out on sctivities due to conflicting work schedules. However, taking time off to visit your child at school if permitted is a good way to see what is going on at school and to let your child’s teacher know you are concerned with your child/children’s development.
4. Chaperone a field trip– I have always been the type of mom to help on field trip days when I can. I don’t always because I want to give my children their freedom, lol. However, it is a good way to help the teacher and stay involved. I only chaperone my son’s trips now. Heaven is a little older so I give her a little more space.
5. Participate in PTA- Parent teacher associations and clubs are great ways to stay involved with your child’s school. It is a good way to voice your concerns and ideas. Remember you are a key player in your child’s development, so you have to use your voice.
6. Participate in Fundraisers- I know it can be stressful, but Fundraisers are important. A lot of the fundraisers are for good causes. It let’s your teacher and school know that you care about the school events. It also shows your children how to meet goals.
7. Keep an open communication with teachers- It is always great to have interaction with your child’s teacher. Emails, parent teacher conferences, open house, and different apps created can build communication. I currently use class dojo. Class dojo is an easy app to talk back to all teachers and to receive announcements through your phone. It is very similar to Instagram. These types of communication keeps you up to date on your child’s progress.
8. Help with projects and check over homework–
   • I love helping with projects. My daughter had a project due today for science. The project was to describe the layers of earth. It gave us time to bond.
   • I also, help my son daily with homework. He has a spelling test every Friday, so we make flashcards and study until his test day.

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I hope these tips can help all my busy parents. Please list any below that you have.

-Tahnee Cole

I love the Fall. There are certain things that you only desire to do during the Fall Season. Toasty, cozy weather, fuzzy sweaters, booties, hoodies and hot coffee really get me going. My children love the Fall season because there is so much to do. The beautiful colors put you in a peaceful mood. The toasty air makes you want to get close to family, watch scary classic movies and eat a Fall treat.

Just in case you are struggling with Fall ideas to do with your family. Or maybe you want to create a Fall bucket list. Here is a list of 20 things to do during the Fall Season. Thank me later!

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1. Visit a haunted house
2. House Decorating
3. Pumpkin picking/Pumpkin decorating
4. Make a Fall Favorite Desserts ex. candy/caramel apples, pumpkin pie, apple pie
5. Visit a pumpkin patch
6. Visit a farm
7. Host a pumpkin hunt
8. Host a Halloween Party
9. Go Trick or Treat in your local neighbor
10. Watch Halloween Movies
11. Rake Leaves and put the leaves in pumpkin trash bags
12. Got to a football game
13. Make a Halloween Gingerbread House * We have never done this before
14. Make treat bags for classmates
15. Make a homemade meal together ex. chili, chicken noodle soup.
16. Take Fall Family Photos
17. Read Thanksgiving books and keep track of things your are grateful for
18. Volunteer at a nursing home, soup kitchen or hospital
19. Go on a hayride
20. Go on a scenic road trip (preferably with plenty of trees to experience the Fall ambience)

What are your favorite Fall Activities?

This year has been dedicated to staying on top of health maintenance.

Due to covid, we were all behind on our dentist visits so I invested in a waterpik. But there is something about seeing your dentist and orthodontist. This year, Heaven received her braces. She was so excited, since her gap has been her biggest insecurity.

I wanted my daughter to be content with her smile so I shoved out the dollars to get her teeth corrected. With that being said, tremendous diet changes have to be made. We already knew gum was out of the question, but we didn’t consider things like corn on the cob or Texas toast. Then there were some tough blows like popcorn which is Heaven’s favorite. She now has to replace popcorn with Pirate booty.

We have learned that it takes a team to help a family member on her journey. So here are 5 tips that we use to help keep Heaven encouraged during her braces journey!

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• Follow the list- We are not cutting corners. If the dentist or orthodontist says “NO”, there is a reason and we stay away from it. We want Heaven to feel good while wearing her braces with as little discomfort as possible. Eating the wrong foods and creating bad habits can cause harm to her. We do not want a diet that will slow the process down or cause issues with her braces.
• Find alternatives- For every little thing that Heaven cannot eat, there is something that she can eat. Daily, we are replacing some of the junk food with healthier alternatives that will keep her teeth strong and healthy. It is not easy giving up your favorite foods, but finding something else that you like can be a plus as well.
• Don’t tease- Heaven has a younger brother who does not have braces, so there are things that they use to enjoy together that she can no longer eat. I encourage Lj to not tease her and to not eat things in front of her that she cannot eat. This does not always work, but I will continue pushing this so that Heaven will not feel tempted to revert to pre-braces life, LOL!
• Remind her of the goal- When Heaven is feeling discouraged or disappointed about changes that have to be made. I remind her that she wanted the braces to correct her smile, and that this sacrifice temporarily on some of the foods that she loves will be worth it.
• Stay on top of the progression- Heaven’s teeth are already moving beautifully and her gap is closing. Seeing the changes only motivates her to keep going. The positive reinforcement and seeing results reminds her that she is on the right track and that we will support her every step of the way!

I can’t believe my littlest is 6 years old and going to first grade. Time is flying. Birthdays are always celebrated at my house. The key is to keep it fun, stress-less and affordable. Of course, I always go over my intended budget, LOL.

This year, I took off a week to celebrate with my kids. We started eating at some new places. Condado was our favorite restaurant of all the places we visited this past week. Even though we are not huge taco fans, there are days that we enjoy rice bowls, burritos, nachos and tacos. Nachos are LJ’s favorite. Something about the awesome atmosphere whenever tacos and fruity drinks are around. We were able to kick back, eat good and enjoy some laughter.

Next, we went to Fun-N-Stuff! Fun-N-Stuff is an indoor and outdoor amusement park for all ages. Rides, golf, go-kart racing, skating, bumper boats, and laser tag are some of the fun activities that you can participate in at this amusement park. Not to mention, that they make funnel cake sticks. The servings of the funnel sticks are small, but boy do you receive a sweet taste. The kids thoroughly enjoyed themselves and even did all the activities at least twice. I even participated in most activities. I was least successful at wall climbing!

Visiting family, taking family photos, having a picnic and allowing the kids to spend time with the grands all led up to Lj’s big day. We wanted to make sure Lj ate good and had a fun party on his actual birthday. It was a Monday but who cares because his birthday is the first day of Summer. Meaning all of his friends are out of school and most people are happy to celebrate a little Summer Soiree. We did not invite a ton of people to his party since we are still trying to be mindful of Covid. We enjoyed lunch at Olive Garden. Lj ordered his favorite food, chicken fingers, spaghetti and fries. He was blessed with a delicious cheesecake in honor of his birthday from the Olive Garden staff!

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Then we came home. I changed my dining room into Jurassic park. Lj loves dinosaurs and I couldn’t get the Fornite cake he wanted so I picked the next best thing. He was so excited when he saw the beautiful green dinosaur theme. He was blessed with his family, gifts, music, cake, ice cream and his favorite gummy bears (well dinobears)!

Overall, my baby was smiling so I would say his birthday and days prior were a success.

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Ditch the WAHM being a SAHM CONFUSION. 

Since March I have been working remote due to the pandemic. It has been a mix of pleasure and testing my patience.

Due to personal and professional time constraints, I have learned that I can’t do it all and I’m content with that realization.

While I respect and commend moms who stay at home, because it is no simple task raising children all day. There is a huge difference between being a work-at-home mom and a stay-at-home mom. It seems easy to confuse the two.

Working at home with your children is different. I had an issue with a teacher due to me having to explain to her that I couldn’t be as present with my five year old son during a zoom lesson. I manage a high profile portfolio that requires meetings and my attention. Most of my meetings at work are arranged and facilitated by me so I have to be attentive. I tried to make arrangements for Zoom lessons to be at a more convenient time for working parents, such as lunch blocks, but it wasn’t possible. Luckily, my son was able to attend school in person and that resolved that issue.

“It is as if, people tend to forget that working remote is working, but just not at the designated office. I have even had to explain to family members to not disturb me during my work hours. “

It is possible that work-at-home moms will feel extreme stress, because being at home will make you feel like a stay-at-home mom. You might even feel as though you should be showing your children more attention. While it allows you more access to your children, you still have a job to do and are doing double work. You have to make sure that you are not over extending yourself. It is important to establish rules for yourself and your family so that they understand that there are work requirements.

I am excited my kids are off for summer break soon. I am reading for vacations and no back and forth trips to school, but I will be making sure that I am not stressing myself out. This summer I will be doing major snack and meal prepping. You know that kids will eat all day if you allow them to do so. So I will be trying my best not to do too much unnecessary cooking and buying. I will be setting boundaries for when the kids can step into my workspace. My kids are usually good about doing their own thing, but there are times when I have to remind them. I will also make sure that at least a few times out the week they will be involved in some summer activities.

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Being a WAHM can be challenging, but with preparation and positivity it can work out fine. Keep pushing #WAHMS !