Hyperemesis Gravidarum

“This ain’t no regular morning sickness. I’m sick all damn day.” I said frustrated.

I couldn’t get out the tub. Work started at 7:30 am and I was still in the tub at 7:10 am. I was crying because I knew I was going to have an awful day. I would be throwing up all day and then given extra work which added more stress on me. I would be taking trips to the bathroom to throw up my insides as discreetly as possible, wash my face and then return to do it again. My days were rough.

My son’s father was staring at me. I could tell he felt helpless, there was nothing he could do. I knew there was nothing he could do, but he was the only person I could vent my frustrations to. I mean hell, it was his baby I was carrying. I looked down at my bump and I immediately started feeling sick. I barely made it out the tub and into the toilet bowl. He stood behind me to hold my hair back. I can say a lot of things about my son’s father, but one thing I can never say is that he deserted me during my pregnancy. He was at every doctor appointment and with me every step of the way. He held my spit cups, he wiped my tears, he bought all my crazy cravings, rubbed my back every night. I suffered from sciatica.

I didn’t know what hyperemesis was. I thought this was just an unlucky curse for pregnant women. I thought there was something wrong with me. I was also sick with Heaven, but after my first trimester I was back to normal. With Jr., my sickness lasted longer. I was extremely sick. I was passing out at work. None of this was a good mix for a corporate America working mom. I attributed most of the ongoing sickness to being a tad bit older (29) and then finding out I was having another gender.

On top of the physical chaos, I was working for a company that did not understand that productivity was going to be low when a woman was throwing up every twenty minutes. I wasn’t the same worker they had knew. I was a new woman, pregnant with her second child and not feeling her best. My life had changed and I felt isolated. I did my absolute best, but it wasn’t enough. As I look back now, I pat myself on the back for what I did. I salute myself for coming back to work after being in Emergency on liquids to help my dehydration from the night before. I salute myself for not cursing people out for asking me to extend myself beyond my pregnant capabilities.

However, as a mom advocate, I will never tell a mentee to accept what I accepted. I will never tell a woman to extend herself beyond her capabilities just to stay employed. I tell women to run at the first sight of ill treatment in the workplace during pregnancy, if you possible. Especially, if HR is also in alignment with the improper treatment. I always say choose yourself first. Never stress or drain yourself out trying to do what you are incapable of doing.

Hyperemesis is a real struggle to deal with and needs to be discuss more. I will never forget about my experience. Despite the circumstances, I was blessed with beautiful babies. I am proud to overcome my obstacles and share my journey with other career moms to encourage them to keep striving.

Tahnee Cole

The Working Mom Chaos…

I recall a time I felt the entire pressure of being a working mom.

I felt judged. I was already late to the parent meeting. I know they heard my heels clicking as fast as they could down the hall. I got myself together, clutched my purse and controlled my breathing. I found a seat in the front. There were no chairs in the back that would save me the embarrassing feeling of being late.

Most of the moms were in sweats, so they may have just thought I was fashionably late. But no, my fancy ensemble was because I was a career mom. What they didn’t know is I had damn near killed myself to get to this meeting. I was on the highway screaming, “Move b—–, get out the way” In my best Ludacris impersonation.

I had made a promise to attend these meetings to show that I was more than concerned and all about my daughter’s progression and education. These meetings though were unrealistic to my schedule. Most of the meetings for working parents were unrealistic. I called my son’s dad to let him know that I was at Heaven’s school and that he could meet me in the parking lot to drop LJ off. He worked third shift and needed to get to work. The meeting was still going on and by now I had warmed up and was giving my input. The parents were actually enjoying what I was suggesting. Partly because they trusted my judgment. I just looked the part of a professional, so it wasn’t hard convincing people that I knew what was best. The meeting was getting good. Heaven was off to the side playing with her classmates.

Jeremey called and said he was outside with little Jay. I had to excuse myself and go get my baby. At the time LJ was about 5 months. When I came back of course people were ranting and raving about how adorable he was. Even mentioning that I didn’t even look like I had a baby that small, let alone 2. I was holding LJ and trying to still participate in the meeting. That was until he realized the breast he adored were concealed with a sweater that went all the way to my neck. Why the hell did I wear a damn turtleneck with this suit? I asked myself. He started tugging and twisting his body so that he could get to the milkies. I looked down at his baby bag to see if there was a bottle, but no. I looked down and his face looked distressed and then came that cry.

If give me the damn milk was a person, Jeremey was him. I gave in to avoid the cry. A little breast never hurt anyone. I was sure they had all seen one before. I discreetly lifted up my shirt, stuck LJ in and under my shirt. I then closed my blazer and went on taking. LJ didn’t like the blazer so he took it off his head and made sure my breast was exposed. Then he had the nerve to look at me. By this time I was like F— it. I was exhausted. I just fed him and finished the meeting. When the meeting was over, I had to gather his car seat, baby bag and my purse. I had to bargain and beg with Heaven to stop playing with her friends so that we could go home. I held her hand, carried LJ in his car seat and walked across the long parking lot. Feeling exhausted from work and parent life this day, I knew it would be some challenging days ahead of us.

Tahnee Cole

Fall Family Updates

Hey Fam,

It has been a minute. I can’t lie I have been so occupied. I have been working, assisting my children with virtual learning, dog training and trying to maintain some type of social life. I hope you all have been well. I wanted to take some time out today to give you some updates on our family.

First, me, well I am doing pretty well. As I type, I am recuperating from a migraine. It was so awful that I took the day off. I think it was triggered by this change in weather. It is October and cold in Cleveland. Which isn’t unusual, because honestly Cleveland weather can go from 0 to 100 real quick. I have been doing some meditating, focusing on finances and working on crushing some big goals. I put a major goal to the side so that I can manifest exactly what I want. I been trying to focus on some health goals and personal self development.

Jr. has started going to half day in person school. It was a tough decision for me. I am still very concerned about Covid and not sure if I will send him during Flu season. However, I do agree that the smaller children need more in person, hands on learning. They need someone to help them and be more attentive to their questions. I can’t do a great job at that while I am working. I did my best, but trying to facilitate meetings and attend a school Zoom call has been challenging. I am still going through major challenges on Friday, because Jr. has Zoom lessons since in person school is only Monday -Thursday. He is enjoying school and only struggles with getting up on time. Other than that he is doing super in school, receiving high scores on his test and making new friends (from a distance, LOL). I’m super proud of my big boy!

The kids are not the only one in school. Yes, our little puppy Mr. Apollo has started obedience training. I am so excited about this because Apollo has been a little rumbustious. I love him dearly, but trips to the park and the Vet had been a nightmare. I love that Apollo has great energy and protective over our family, but I want him to know when and where his behavior is appropriate. He started his first class this past Saturday and will be attending class twice a week for 5 week sessions. The class is pricey, but I think it is totally worth it.

Sidenote: Apollo did great during his first class too. I’m a proud Fur Mom!

Last, but not least my baby girl Heaven. Heaven will be a teenager very soon and has been struggling a little in school. Virtual learning is tough and I had to remind Heaven to take notes. She is very smart, but she didn’t think taking notes was important. I explained the importance of her taking notes so that she will remember her teachers lecture. I also told her to help save all of her assignments on her laptop in folders. So we sat down and created folders for all of her classes to keep her desktop neat and organized. Learning by computer is a total transition, but I wanted my baby girl to know that I am here to help her succeed along the way. I am confident that if she follows my lead she will definitely succeed. I’m still super proud of my daughter for doing her best during this transition.

Overall, my little family is doing pretty well. We are enjoying our favorite season together. Very soon we will be making some of our favorite fall recipes and I will probably post them on the blog. I hope you and your family are staying healthy and happy.

Love, Tahnee Cole

“The Mommy Motivator”

Back to School. Well kinda…

I have been known to make lemonade out of lemons, but honey I’m going to make frosted lemonade out of lemons this time. I’m talking whipped crème and cherries on top for a hot sunny day. You know why? Because that is what moms do (claps as I say each word)! Anyways, I wanted to share with you what I am doing to make this a successful virtual school year. I know there will be many challenges, but I am prepared for the ride.  

Here are a few of my tips…

Create a virtual space

I created Heaven and Jeremey Jr. separate learning spaces. I made sure the spaces were outside of their rooms so that they can focus. These areas are only reserved for learning. I tried to make sure that they have everything they need for school and to keep it cute and colorful like a classroom environment.


Meal Prep

Breakfast, lunch, dinner and 300 snacks. The food part is going to be something else. I have created menus and started meal preparation so that mornings will not be so stressful. I am using any meal services that I can such as: Hello Fresh, Blue Apron and ordering my groceries via Instacart. I am fixing breakfast the night before  and accepting any suggestions. The kids school would prefer that they do not eat during their Zoom lessons so that should cut down on the snack intake. So kiddies, use your school stomachs, HA!

Time

Time is of the essence and school will function as normal. The kids need to resume to their regular bedtime schedules. This means go to bed EARLY. I will try to be as consistent as I can, but shifting from Summer vacation to back to school is always challenging in the beginning. Especially, since we are still technically at home. Still I am trying to keep the kids focused. Help them to remember to be signed on and stay on task all day just as they would at school.  

Keep Communication Open

Explain to the kids the expectations and show them how to use their resources was my first goal last week. This week was to get on board with baby daddy, teachers and staff. Remember to communicate with the your partner, husband, co-parent, guardians, teachers, etc.  Hell, I am even having a talk with Apollo telling him that he needs to keep his barking to a minimum. LOL  I will also be communicating with my co-workers due to disruptions and mandatory school meetings. I will have to be present when it comes to my children’s learning as well as be successful at work. Days will be busy, but nothing runs smooth without communication.

Have Some Grace

Be patient and have some grace when it comes to the kids,  yourself and the school staff. Even damn technology because we know how that can be. Nothing will ever be perfect, but if we are a team it will all work out. Just remember not to be so hard on yourself or anyone else. Take breaks, take time off and laugh at the chaos. You got this!

Well its my babies first day, so please wish them good luck!

7 things I learned being a WAHM (Work At Home Mom) + Homeschooling during the Pandemic

I’m not going to lie…

I have always felt that WAHM (work at home moms) and SAHM (stay at home moms), had it EASIER than moms who actually had to work outside of the home. Not easy, but EASIER.

Yes, there are definitely perks to not having to commute and being with your children all day. Especially, if you are a WAHM who is also homeschooling.

But I realized this is HARDT ( Yes, HARD with a T) LOL!

Let me tell you why I wrote this post. I am currently at home with my 12 year old (yes a preteen) , my preschooler and my puppy.  I am trying to create an accurate report for a conference call that I am facilitating. Not just a regular meeting, a meeting with Several Account Managers to discuss financial debt for a very high profile business. I manage a financial portfolio for 170 customers.

Meanwhile, I am telling my 4 year old son that he CANNOT have another popsicle ( it is his 4th one).

I am bargaining with him to be quiet, so I end up agreeing to buying him a PS5 (when it comes out). Just so he will sit down and work on his alphabets on his tablet quietly.

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I have to WORK.

I have to be PRODUCTIVE

&

I still have to MOM!!

Our puppy Apollo joins in the chaos by whimpering. He’s pissed that I had to lock him in his crate for a few minutes to calm him down from his mid morning zoomies. Plus, I am yelling at my 12 year old to get up so she will not miss her Zoom lessons (currently all learning is virtual).

Yes, we are in the middle of a Pandemic and quarantine life, but either way this WAHM life is challenging.  I had a conversation with a homeschool/wahm and she said it takes major trial and error to get into a groove.

Aside from this being flat out challenging there are 7 things I have learned:

I HAVE TO SET LIMITS…

I have to set a schedule to complete all of my work duties instead of spacing everything out throughout the entire day. Simply because homeschooling and taking care of kids requires me to take more breaks, more often. Most nights I find myself working until 11pm to make sure I finish everything I want to complete during the work day. However, I still need to maintain work/life balance. So it is a must I create limits and boundaries to separate when I work and log off.

I MAY NOT BE THE MORNING PERSON I THOUGHT I WAS…

My mind is clearer, thoughts are together and creativity is flowing late in the day. Either it is just more peaceful in my home during the evening or I actually work better later. I am not sure yet. I do know that I have always been an early bird, so I have believed that I am more productive during early hours. But honestly, I feel I am way more alert and productive from afternoon to late evenings. It makes me wonder if I would be better working a later shift.

I EAT MORE AND I AIN’T MAD ABOUT THAT…

At work, I am not getting up to go into the kitchen all day.  I rarely pack myself anything when I go into the office. Working at home, I have access to the kitchen and I find myself eating more snacks throughout the day. However, I have been sticking to healthier choices and they actually feed my brain and help me function better. WAHM life has probably packed a few pounds on me.

I HAVE TO KEEP REMINDING MY KIDS THAT I HAVE A JOB TO DO…

Seeing mommy at home without her usual business attire has made my kids think we are on vacation. I have to remind them that yes I am at home, yes they can give me hugs and ask me questions, but at the same time they have to respect that I am working. They have to give me space to think and be quiet when I have meetings. I always give them a prep talk before conference calls. I also try to get things prepared so they don’t have to ask me many questions and I can focus. That means tablets powered up and loaded with activities.  Plus meals and snacks in reach.

PEOPLE ARE MORE FORGIVING THAN YOU THINK…

I thought people would be annoyed during a conference call/ video chat to see my 4 year old walk up and hand me something to open. But honestly, most people enjoy seeing the kids and encourage them to speak during the calls. I think people understand a lot more than you think they do. Many times we are harder on our situations that others are.

I”M NOT AS GOOD WITH MULTI-TASKING AS I THOUGHT

Trying to do everything at once puts me in a frenzy. It also makes me forget things that are important. Doing one thing at a time, while relying on my time management/ scheduling skills is the best way to tackle this new normal. Quality over quantity.

kid blog pic

I GOT TO BE A LITTLE MORE FORGIVING & RELAX…

I am learning to give myself and the kids grace. We are all dealing with a lot right now. Nothing is normal. So I let them have a cookie if they want, and I am ok about the house not looking perfect. Once, you realize that it is ok to just let things be and do your best, things will flow smoother.

I hope you enjoyed some of my learning lessons and can relate. As of now, stay healthy and safe.

XOXO

Tahnee COLE

 

A Preteen, A Preschooler, A Puppy & A Pandemic

“Have a kid” they said…

“Get a puppy” they said…

I’m joking!  I love my little family, but I will say the family dynamic has changed since we added our little PUPPY Apollo to our clan. Yes, he is a great little addition. All sweet and cuddly, but he Demands ATTENTION! I forgot how much work goes into having a dog since we haven’t had a puppy since 2013. Honestly, I am enjoying him and it is helping me stay on track with morning exercise.

Right now we are all stuck inside because of the Coronavirus, but this is forcing me to make changes with my routine. I am focusing on bonding and what matters most.

Homeschooling while working from home is no joke. It is so easy to complain, but honestly I have so much to be thankful for. My children being able to stay home with me and having a career that can transition to work from home is more than a blessing.

I have a PRETEEN who is going through major life changes and I have realized that she needs me more than I thought. See sometimes as our children grow older we set them free a little. We don’t want to seem like we are smothering them and we encourage more independence.  We just watch them from the sideline. However, I have realized that my daughter needs me more now, and with the daily rush of being a career mom I have very little time to just focus on her.

Our days are moving fast and this PANDEMIC has made us all slow down a little. I was able to sit down with my daughter as I worked from home and before my son got up and we just talked and talked. We discussed everything that was going on in school.  I was able to listen and give feedback without judgement. We both felt really good and relieve afterwards. We even set some personal goals together.

Plus, I have a sweet little four year old PRESCHOOLER who has been adjusting to PRE-K life. Days before our official lockdown his favorite preschool teacher passed away. Which was a major loss for our family and his school community. Even though he is happy to be home with his family, he misses his friends. And he is concerned if he will even start kindergarten this year. Everything is uncertain right now, but what I am certain of is that with every storm is a rainbow and every bad time births a blessing.

SO HOW AM I MANAGING LIFE NOW?

I am taking it slow, doing what I can and putting love at the center of all my days.

 

-Tahnee Cole

PEACE, LOVE & MOTHERHOOD

As I sit here and sip my tea, I think about what so many Mommy Bloggers contribute to my life. I am so inspired by this era of women. I am so proud of especially black moms, who are branching out and sharing their unique motherhood journey.

Whenever I go to THE MOM IN ME BLOG… https://www.themominmeblog.com/ I feel a sense of peace and connection to my higher self. I am not sure how I found Blogger Mom Princess, but honey she has blessed me!!! She is a wife, mom of 3 cuties, a planter, herbalist, yogi, business owner, and so much more. I got a chance to talk to her about how she incorporates PEACE into mom life. We know mom life can be chaotic.  So she spilled a little of her tea on how to enhance your motherhood journey and overall well-being.

PRINCESS SAID…

“Incorporating peace while juggling being a mom is not an easy task. Even I have days where I lose my shit, so I am most definitely not always in a peaceful mood.”

She explains that it starts from the moment you close your eyes for the night. This sets the tone for the following day. Sleep peacefully, wake up peacefully.

So not only is Princess concerned about the day, but also how she maintains her well-being the following day. Which is extremely important.

 

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“Meditation before bed is important to me. I actually fall asleep faster because of it. I often fall asleep before I even finish mediating. In the mornings, my routine consists of tea, meditation and yoga. And throughout the day, even if it’s just for 30 seconds, I meditate.”

 

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“Taking time to regroup and breathe is more important than people think. It only takes a few seconds to regroup. Those seconds make a huge difference. I took yoga in high school, and actually went to anger management (my high school had a health clinic inside, sponsored by the local hospital. They provide free services). That’s when it all began. I started meditating and doing yoga before I left for school. Then I’d do yoga at school. It was one of the classes offered for physical education. I had a lot of built up anger from childhood. I was angry ALL THE TIME, for NO REASON.”

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Blogger Mom Princess explains that at one point she actually got away from meditating and doing yoga. Life was too stressful for her to focus on it. She came back to it in 2013 and I’m glad she did. She has even created a bonus room upstairs in her home for her yoga space and a pole for fitness. So she is able to get away and have time for herself.  She jokes that she tells her husband Dwight that she is going upstairs and everyone knows not to bother her. Its another way for her to relieve stress and become one with nature.

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Some of her favorite hobbies are playing her guitar and writing poetry. I was interested to know this because I also have a love for writing poetry. Princess started writing poetry since 13 and often turned her poems into song.

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One of my biggest questions for Princess was how she represents healthy physical and mental well-being for her children and she said this…

“As far as my children when it comes to physical and mental health, I try my best to allow them to express themselves as they please. Of course with guided input from Dwight and I. But we don’t want them to do things just because it’s what we do. Freedom of expression is important for mental health. They like to join me during yoga sessions. They like helping in the garden. So I try to encourage them when I see they are interested. Make it fun and it doesn’t seem like work, if that makes sense. “

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Princess wants her blog and social media to be a  platform for people to learn how to be a better version of themselves. She has a lot of different projects that she is working on that will be on the blog soon. Including an intention journal, an eBook for blogging tips, and more free (and paid) videos on yoga and meditation. She wants people to know that they don’t have to put a limit on what they can do or learn.

Princess you inspire us! Keep doing what you do girl and we will be checking you out on https://www.themominmeblog.com/!

The Bitter Baby Mama…

Remember the bitter baby mama, yeah that’s what you called her.

You first saw her in the grocery store, right? She was standing there yelling at her kids, using all types of profanity.

“Don’t touch a motha…” Is how she started her first sentence. Telling her three kids to keep their hands to themselves.

She looked tired and worn out, but you didn’t give a damn. Even though you saw her five year old touch the M&Ms 10 times, after she said not to, you judge her. Harshly. You said she was a pathetic mama to talk to her kids like that.

And when you overheard her saying she was a single mama, you rolled your eyes.

You said to yourself, “how could she take it out on her kids? They didn’t ask to be here. Nobody should have to suffer behind her poor choices.

Another bitter baby mama.

You looked down upon her with disgust, as you guarded your children as if you were blocking them from some contagious rare disease. You watched her struggle to carry her baby, push the cart with several grocery bags and walk in her raggedy high heel shoes.

You even joked with your partner and said she was probably on the government’s assistance. She probably bought her groceries with her EBT card. You didn’t know that woman, but you threw so much dirt on her name you would have thought it was planting season.

Then you watched her grabbed all her groceries and walk to the bus stop. A baby on her arm, one barely walking and an older child trying to carry as many groceries as he could. He was filled with shame too.

“These kids deserve a mom they could be proud!” Is what you had the nerve to say.

You were looking from the outside in, thinking you had it all figured out. You saw her rolling her eyes defensively sitting with her three kids at the bus stop.

You stared at her and said, “How could she be so stupid” Nobody told her to open her legs and have kids before she got married. Why wasn’t she on birth control?

You even said she is probably one of those women who won’t let the man see his kids, put him on child support and hate any new chick he dates. The drama type. The bitter baby mama type.

You gathered that all in one trip to the store. Never spoke to this woman one time. Didn’t even know her name.

 

Well, Fast-forward…

It is funny how life flips. When you got home one day, the love of your life let you know that he wanted to move on.

After 15 yrs of playing house, he confessed he had not been happy in years, He wanted to find himself (whatever the hell that means) and you didn’t do it for him anymore.

He left and never looked back. You called to ask if he would drop money off or the kids, but he wouldn’t respond. Now you are contemplating on putting him on child support.

The kids are hungry and you have to go to the grocery store. Taking them to the store without help is not something that you are used to.

The trip to the store is a disaster.

Your kids are crying and grabbing items, the people at the back of the line are giving you the same looks you gave, well the bitter baby mama.

After the grocery store chaos, you sit down in your car exhausted. Putting groceries in the trunk and strapping kids in by yourself is no joke.  You open up your IG for a quick second and you see your ex with his new woman, you are furious.

Of all days, your car won’t start. Nobody can give you a ride, so you have to wait for triple A.

Now you are waiting for the tow truck, with crying hungry kids in the back. With tears in your eyes.

You stare intently at the same bus stop that sat the mom you judged. You finally felt remorse for your ignorance, you felt sorry. You became exactly who you judged. Finally, you understood her pain and sympathized for her story.

This made your understand the importance of never ever looking down or judging anyone, because the tables can turn.

As you focused on your kids, and the anger your felt in your heart, you realized that now you are also viewed as the Bitter Baby Mama…

Everyone has a story.

Tahnee Cole

BABY MAMA SERIES: 7 HABITS TO HEAL

Dealing with post relationship trauma is not easy. Especially, when a child or children are involved. However, you can still manage to have a productive and healthy co-parenting relationship and happy life.

On a road to recovery there are things that you must do on a consistent basis to make sure that you are being your best self.

So, things didn’t work out. He left or you had to leave. You may feel guilt that you are not providing a two parent household for your child or children, but that’s life. Nothing is promised. People’s feelings and emotions vary day to day. Life happens and no situation is perfect.

Here are some tips:

1. Accept it-

Don’t ignore your emotions. Don’t keep daydreaming that everything will mend and the perfect family will return. Accept how you feel. It is ok to be angry, upset, or even sad. Allow your body to feel the emotions, no suppressing. Accept the place your life is right now but remember it will get greater later!

2. Focus on your child-

The center of this union is your child and that is exactly where your focus should be. I feel like putting the focus on making your child happy will keep you in line with what is more important. Most parents motives are pure when it comes to their children, so putting a focus on them will eliminate the need for being vindictive and petty. I’m not saying forget about you, but your child needs a fair chance at loving both parents without confusion or judgement.

3. Focus on you-

In addition to focusing on your child at some point you will have to focus on you. Do your best. Quit worrying about the other parent. Some “baby mamas” can’t heal of move on, because they are FB stalking their kids dad or mad because he isn’t contributing. You can’t help that, but you can help what you do. Focus on  your glow up and you will do just that!

 

4. Set boundaries-

Stop entertaining BS unrelated to your child. Is it possible your ex is doing petty things to make you upset or jealous? Absolutely. Be upfront about your concerns and expectations when it comes to your role in your child’s life and then move on. Honestly, you CANNOT control what happens when the child is at the other parent’s house. But what you can do is cut off anything that allows you to see the nonsense. Establish a way to communicate, a place to meet and a drop off and pick up  schedule. Those are all ways to minimize foolery (if you co-parent). If the dad is totally out of the picture and does not want to be, you got to move on without him!

 

5. Physical Contact/ Sexual Contact-

A lot of women are still saying “I did not have sexual relations with my baby daddy” (In my Bill Clinton voice). Be honest Sis, a lot of women go back to the familiar, but seriously if you want to cut the attachment and establish some respect, you must quit. Check out my article NO SEX WITH THE EX

6. Set goals-

Instead of you starting to worry too much on what things are not right, focus on improving your life every year. Focus on your goals and what you can do better. Focusing on improving yourself and your kids will help you put a less focus on irrelevant things you can’t control.

 

7. Have Patience-

With any situation have patience with the progress, yourself and others. Nothing improves overnight. Focus on staying committed, positive and focused. Celebrate minor milestones and understand that you will have setbacks, but they will set you up for later success.  Just keep going. You got this Sis!

 

Tahnee Cole

“The Mommy Motivator”

 

You’re a Bitter Baby Mama, Own it!

Her eyes were red as my Ruby Woo lipstick. She got in the car and didn’t even speak. I didn’t take it personal though. I knew why she was angry and I felt her. I kept telling her she needed a holistic detox (I will speak on that later), but she was too concerned about getting even with her children’s father.

She didn’t say hello, but she said, ” Tahnee I f*cking hate him. I wish he was dead. Honest to God I do.”

I decided to listen instead of giving her any input, sometimes people need an ear and not your tongue.

“He called me bitter. Can you believe that? I’m far from bitter, pissed off but not bitter. Tahnee am I bitter?” she asked.

I took a sip of my coffee, pulled my hair behind my ear and glanced at my friend. She was beautiful. She was blessed with smooth chocolate skin, wavy curly hair and full ‘Kylie Jenner wish she had’ lips, but her anger had distorted her features. She now wore pain. The angry black woman grimace paired with the stank face is not a good look at all.

“You are, but its understandable. You got a lot on your plate. Your fairytale didn’t have an happy ending so far, so now you are stressed. Look sis, its perfectly fine to be a little bitter, but don’t stay there.”

My advice to any bitter baby mama.

But don’t stay there…

Many mamas hate that the word “bitter” precedes “baby mama” many times.

They refuse to accept it when their actions display otherwise.

I always say that it is perfectly fine to be upset, be hurt, be bitter, but it is not ok to stay in that place.

YOU ARE ALLOWED TO FEEL. SO MANY PEOPLE TRY TO FAKE IT, TO MAKE IT. THEY POP ONE TO AVOID THE FEELING. PRETEND THEY DON’T NEED THERPY AND IGNORE HOW THEY FEEL. EVENTUALLY,THEY HAVE MELTDOWNS, ANXIETY ATTACKS, AND THEY WILL CRASH AND BURN.

They hurt others and themselves. Plus, they never allow their hurt and pain to manifest into healing and growth. Admitting is the first step to recovery. You should never allow anyone to tell you what you should not be. Initially, any breakup can breed negative feelings especially when a child or children are involved. However, you don’t have to always be in that sunken place.

You will need to have the strength to encourage not only yourself, but your life partner which is your baby daddy. You are broken up, but in many ways still together. Hating them is hypocritical if you say you love your child, because that is hating a major part of your child. You can’t hate your kids father and teach your child love and respect. Your child needs a fair chance at loving their parent without you distorting their perception.

Once you accept this and begin working on you, growth will occur. The goal is to be better and not bitter. If you are not there at this point, that is fine. Own it, work on it and move forward.

 

Tahnee Cole