Changes and Children

I had to explain to my son that life would always be changing. Rarely will everything be constant, but change can be beneficial. My son is six, a very smart six year old, but like most children change can be difficult. Family structure, new schools, new living situations, etc are always to be expected as years pass by.

But like six year olds, when we don’t initiate the change we feel uncomfortable, we feel vulnerable. I explained to my son that just like him, change whether voluntary or involuntary can also take its toll on me.

For example, I am adjusting to going from corporate savvy career woman to work at home mom. Yes, I am still a savvy, corporate career woman, but now I have the opportunity to stay at home and nurture my children, my home and work in my profession. It’s a blessing and a challenge at the same time.

Have I struggled with the change? Yes. However, I have learned to adjust to those changes by seeing the positive out the situation. Also, making adjustments and working to improve what I can around the change to make the best out of it.

After having this discussion with Jeremey we talked about the perks of some of the new changes, we even discussed some new goals we were going to make as a team. I am happy that my son can confide in me when he is uncomfortable about anything and trusts me to give him encouragement and words of wisdom.
I assured Jeremey that as long as I am breathing, I will be there to help him with all of life’s changes and challenges along the way!

Does your child struggled with change?

HAPPY HOLIDAYS, HAPPY NEW YEAR AND HAPPY WINTER! (WINTER NEWSLETTER ENCLOSED)

Hello,

I am committed to working on all the projects that will keep my mom tribe engaged and encouraged.  Every season I will be uploading a seasonal newsletter. My last newsletter was for the Fall Season. If you enjoyed that edition, please check out my Winter edition. Download it and  read it whenever you want.

What you can expect out of this issue is :

  • Winter activities to do with your family

  • My favorite mom must haves

  • Preparation for the new year

  • Holiday treats

I am sorry I was a little late, I was trying to stay present with my family during the holiday season. My initial plan was to upload on the Winter Solstice, but it is always better to be late than never. Follow the arrow and get your copy today.

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WINTER NEWSLETTER 2019.2020 official

 

STAY POSITIVE, STAY FOCUSED, STAY COMMITTED

LOVE, TAHNEE COLE

Beating the Busy Mom Blues During the Holidays!

Tis the Season to be jolly, busy AF, overwhelmed, happy, depressed, broke, etc…

Listen Mamas, life does NOT have to be the exact same, year after year. You have to find ways to make things better. Life is about learning what works and doing it.

As I get older, I am learning to find ways to make my life simpler. Especially, during the holiday season.

Below is a list of things I do to make the holiday season less stressful.

Legggooooo…

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  Take a moment, breathe and observe the beauty of the season….

  • If you live in Cleveland, Ohio like me, you will probably see snow. Although, most of us are sick of the snow; we will admit that it looks pretty during the Holiday Season. It is nice to see the Christmas lights and eat holiday treats. The ambience of the season makes me feel so warm and snuggly. So try to find something you love to look at and focus on that. I love to make the house look really pretty and festive. This year I wanted a lot of red, so I bought some beautiful silk poinsettia plants.

 

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You don’t have to attend all those holiday parties Sis…

  • Unless it is mandatory, stop burning yourself out going to every holiday party. Pick and choose the ones you want to attend. It can be a burden because then you are worried about holiday attire and if you have to bring something (say potluck) it can get very expensive. Spend this holiday season doing what you like and not forcing yourself to be everywhere.

Create Traditions instead of hitting up every event…

  • This is similar to my last tip. I like to do a lot of stuff with my kids, but there is so much to do. I try to make sure that I am not overdoing, trying to attend every festive kid event. With the kids having school parties I am involved in, Church events and family events, it can become overwhelming. So I stick to some of our traditions and add a few new ideas. We always go to The Polar Express reading time at Barnes and Nobles. Then we take pictures with Santa where the kids draw pictures for the children at Rainbow hospital. It is a free event, but I always donate money. We also take a family Christmas picture. This year we will be adding to the year by going sledding and picking out a real Christmas tree. We are keeping it fun, but staying organized.

 

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Have a drink…

  • I don’t care if is wine, tea, hot chocolate or eggnog. Sit back turn on your favorite show, kick up your feet and relax. It is a must to take some time to yourself and live in the moment. My favorite drink always makes me smile. I am going to try something new this year. I’m thinking something creamy with just a tad of liquor in it. I might even throw a peppermint in it to make it festive. LOL

Get some help…

  • Order your groceries, find a gift wrapper, gift shop online and find a babysitter. Do whatever you need to do, to eliminate stress from trying to do so much. We often think we have to do it all, but we do not.

Make things convenient…

  • Either have the holidays festivities at your house or don’t. Do what makes you feel comfortable and what is convenient. This year I had Thanksgiving at my moms and Christmas will be at my house. Christmas is easier to host at my house so the children don’t have to leave their gifts. But do whatever you like. Just make sure that convenience is your top priority.

I could go on and on with all types of tips, but I wanted to keep it simple.  I hope you (my lovely tribe), will enjoy this holiday season. I am sending prayers to anyone suffering a loss, because it is usually magnified during the holiday season. I pray for your peace, happiness and prosperity. As always I love you all!

tahnee cole1

Love Tahnee Cole

Being the only black working mom…

Usually, I never feel out of place because I don’t compare myself to others. However, I felt really weird after having a conversation with a group of moms at our kids reading time. One mom in particular.

We were all at a round table, drinking coffee and peeking in at our children to make sure they were behaving. I didn’t pay attention to me being black until one of the moms said, “it is so nice to see some color and not just moms like me.” I smiled and then there was awkward silence.

“Are you from around here?” she said.

One of the other moms who was also caucasian looked annoyed. I could tell she was thinking enough already with the awkward small talk.

I was wondering where she had been, because we attended this reading event frequently. I was not a newbie. If I was not mistaken, I had seen her a couple times and she usually never said anything.

Today, must have been a good day to be nosey. Maybe she had friendly intentions so I decided to entertain her a little, with very little info.

“I’m from a different suburb, but my mom lives over here.” I said after taking a sip of my coffee.

I pulled out my laptop and she wanted to continue the conversation. Instead, she just made a general comment amongst everyone.

“Isn’t it good to be out of the house ladies? Stay at home mom life can be something else.” She said as if she was sighing.

A few of the moms laughed in unison and shook their heads in agreeance.

She went on..

“Granted, we still have to chase them around the library, but at least it is nice to let the Librarian keep their attention for a moment.” she said.

She focused her attention on me. I was certain she could tell by my business suit and laptop that I was probably not a SAHM.

“I only know about career mom life, but I get you.” I said smiling.

“Omg, how do you do it? I would miss my kids so much and would not want anyone else raising them.” Her face was turned up as if I had given my kids up for adoption.

The other moms looked surprised that she had the nerve.

The irony of her just being happy having momentary freedom, but then speaking on missing her children if she had a career made me chuckle.

I smiled and remained classy.

“I wouldn’t say raise them per say. My definition of raising might be a tad different from yours though. I’m the sole provider so I have to make a living. Besides, having multiple strong influences, and individuals assisting me with taking care of my children is vital to my family structure. I love having a strong village to help support me, while I take on the world. I am dedicated to showing my kids I am multi-talented and capable of achieving my goals.  Providing them with a living example of success and perseverance.  Yes, I miss my kids, but I would be missing me if I was not living in my purpose. I spend plenty of time with them even when I am exhausted, like right now. The librarian is watching over my son now, but she is not raising him. It is great to stay at home, but that is not the life all moms desire. Nor do all moms have that opportunity, even if they did want to.” I said.

She smiled and looked a little embarrassed. Then spoke, “oh no, I meant no harm or offense, you are commendable. I wish I had the drive.”

I handed her the card to search my blog.

“Different strokes for different folks. All mom life is a challenge…

“Agreed” said another mom winking at me.

-Tahnee Cole

Teaching my son there is a Black Superman, he is.

The picture of my son in 2018 wearing his Superman costume inspired this post. He looks so strong, confident and majestic. He truly believes that he can do anything. Which is why daily, I find myself having to convince him not to jump down the flight of stairs.

But, I don’t want that confidence to disappear. I want him to keep believing in himself. To strive for heights that most think are unachievable for him. I want to see him smash his goals, conquer the unconquerable and beat the stereotypes placed on him through statistics.

It is unfortunate when I only hear negative news, and see more negative images about men who look like my son. It kills me when I hear stories of black boys with bright futures who turn to a life of crime. Simply because they no longer see Superman as a true future. They once had bright smiles like my son , they once believed, but one day something happened.

It is important that we teach our sons they are our Superheroes, despite the negative depictions placed over them.  We have to encourage our sons to take responsibility for their lives and hold them accountable for their actions. With confidence that, they can one day be the leading examples of our world.

I told my son that he has the power and ability to do whatever he desires. The same super powers he has when he puts on his cape now, will never leave him.  That power will manifest in a different form, according to his human abilities to change the entire world.

So I tell my son, he is Superman.

We must tell our young men that he is, Superman.

From a Mom who loves and believe in her son..

Tahnee Cole

“If you leave that damn coat at school, don’t come home!”

Hey, I’m a black mom and I’m extra AF (as f*ck), if you aren’t familiar with the acronym. LOL

Excuse my French, but there is no better way to describe my parenting style when it comes to trying to prove a point to my kids.

When my kids leave the house during the Fall and Winter season, I find myself giving them a lecture. Not only about making sure they keep on their coats, but keeping up with their coats. Hats, scarves and gloves as well.

My mama said it to me and I am pretty sure my grandma said it to her.

“If you leave the coat at school, don’t come home.”

For some reason, my kids need me to take it to the extreme to prove to them that I am not playing with them and ….

Ain’t nobody got time for that!

They not only need their coats to stay warm and avoid getting sick. But mama pays good money to keep them warm and I want to see them look like they left the house.

The coats are usually not a huge issue, because they don’t want to freeze those little honey buns off. However, I feel like I replace gloves all winter.  So far the old stick the gloves in the hat and hat in the sleeve trick is working.

If not, I hope the school has some bunk beds, because I mean what I said before.

LOL

jr coat

From A Mom, trying to keep her kids warm

XOXO

Tahnee Cole

Let me be candid, and keep it funky about co-parenting.

Everything is picture perfect now.

You get on social media and the portrayal of a perfect life is the new norm.

The influencers at times, can influence people to live a lie or contribute to insecurities.

Insecurities about fantasies.

A spotless home (usually a mansion), a perfect faithful husband, perfect well-manner kids and my favorite:

Perfect co-parenting relationships…

Look, I am sure there are some very healthy, team player type co-parenting relationships out there. And trust me when I say, I’m proud of them. However, there are a lot of couples who are constantly a work in progress. Co-parenting can be a roller coaster journey, because it can often depend on what the parent is dealing with in his or her own life. Co-parenting can often be difficult for a number of reasons.

Here are a few I have heard outside of my own journey:

  1. Maybe you didn’t get along when you were together . So trying to come to agreements apart can prove to be even more difficult.
  2. Emotions could still be there. Some people don’t want to admit it, but the love they still have for their partner could affect how they raise the kids. The feelings can be  one -side or on both sides. To be honest, many times it is on both sides, but one person is usually in denial.
  3. Still sleeping around and causing confusion. Sex with the ex can be a big “no,no”.
  4. Or you flat out can’t stand each other. So raising a kid together is now another burden and you simply wish the other person would get lost.

Well co-parenting is not something that can be forced or suddenly changed. Depending on how the situation ended, that usually dictates the dynamic of the relationship. It is rough and some days it takes the energy out of you. There will be ups and downs, good days and bad ones.

So yes, it is ok and you do not have to be picture perfect. Do not text you ex and expect them to want to do a photoshoot for social media. Just to prove that you are both mature individuals raising your kids.

Let it flow and pray about it. Be your best self and realize that time will heal everything. Things will change and force people to change.  I am all for broadcasting healthy examples and trying to promote peace and prosperity. However, I am all for people being honest about where they are in life, and not feeling judged or belittled because their family structure does not resemble another.

So live life on your terms and be able to accept where you are at that moment.

Trust me, it will bring you peace and worse case scenario, you and your ex are never able to meet eye to eye. You can be satisfied knowing that you tried, but able to accept that you can’t control anyone, but you.

And honestly, there is more to life than social media facades.

From a Mom, who is just being honest…

Tahnee Cole

YOU ARE NOT OBLIGATED…

 

Don’t forget I am a Today Parents contributor…

https://community.today.com/parentingteam/post/you-are-not-obligated-to_1572064421

Hit the link and like the article!

But first…

Are you a parent who struggles to find your voice in certain situations?

It can be tough and we all have our moments.

It is important though that we are able to tell our children “No”.

Not because we are mean, but simply because they will be told no many times and they need to be prepared. They need to be able to accept a “No”, without having a meltdown or becoming violent.

There is nothing wrong with telling them “NO”.

PRACTICE WITH ME and spell it out, “N-O”!!!

 

HIT THE LINK BELOW

https://community.today.com/parentingteam/post/you-are-not-obligated-to_1572064421

 

Tahnee Cole

“THE MOMMY MOTIVATOR”

And Yes, I’m a Mom…

There is such a strong stigma that comes with being a mom. So many expectations, so many requirements. Most of the time, we feel damned if we do, damned if we do not.

One of the most common criticisms I have received is that since I am a mom, I can no longer be viewed as sexy. I am expected to trade in my bikini for a t-shirt when I go to the beach. I am expected to hide myself as though I am no longer an individual. Why can’t I be proud of the body I have as a 30 something mother of two?

I work for a high profile corporate company and on most days I am required to wear business professional attire. So I love to kick back on the weekend and dress how I please. There is a such thing as being tasteful and displaying your beauty. I think a mother is one of the sexiest titles a woman can own. We are the epitome of sexiness! Our bodies are like rubber bands. They stretch, but they can bounce back!

After having my second child, I was feeling down about my body. The drastic changes postpartum can be overwhelming. I started going to the gym to make myself look and feel better. It worked! I could see the changes in my body and my mind. So why am I criticized for wearing a form fitting dress or a pair of shorts? After a long time of feeling bad; I was feeling good and desirable. I salute all the mamas who are proud of their bodies. As long as, I am not degrading myself or embarrassing my children with my image. I will continue to celebrate my femininity and be proud of this body that has created lives and legends. Yes, you are a mom now, but you can still be sexy!

Surviving the Village…

Every mom and dad needs a Village.

They say it takes a village to raise a child.

There will come a point when you can no longer do everything yourself.

Your advice will no longer be enough.

You will need someone to pick up the kids when you are unable to.

God forbid you fall ill and need an extra shoulder to lean on.

The truth is, you will need help at some point during your parenthood journey.

 Yet, can you survive and embrace the Village? Do you have the ability to simply put your pride aside? Can you accept your Village in their rawness?

This will be the real them. The flawed them. The village that will not always have the same thought process as you. However, they are still a Village, your Village.

They each will have a unique perspective on how to raise the kids. A unique relationship with your child. The parent that you co-parent with might not always agree with your decisions. Will this make you crumble, shutdown and force yourself to take on all the challenges alone?  Will you throw a tantrum like a child or are you willing to hear them out? Can you come to an agreement, agree to disagree?

What about co-existing with your nagging mother in law (who is obviously going to be a part of your village)? Or will you shut her out because she is becoming overbearing and opinionated?

 As I get older, I am realizing that a Village who is likeminded makes me feel more comfortable. However, that is not always a guarantee. In a perfect world, we would like everyone to do what we say, when we say, but that is not reality. So we have to accept that the people in our village will contribute something different to our kids lives. I am almost positive that different opinions will benefit one day, because lets face it, we are not always correct.

So, personally I have to allow myself to gain the maturity and wisdom to allow help and strengthen my Village without being judgemental and stubborn.

So the next time you are shutting a family member out, because they disagree with you. Take a moment and try to consider their perspective.

Think about this, are you pushing away your Village? Or are you trying to build your Village stronger?

Can you survive your Village?

From A Mom who is trying to build and not burn her village down!

Tahnee Cole

Happy International Women’s Day

Today, I think of everything I have faced as a woman. Surprisingly, I have no shame when it comes to my struggles. Every setback. Every challenge. Every single “NO”. Every single time I was called a ᗷITᑕᕼ. Every single time I was discredited and belittled. I survived. My head still held high.

I am resilient. I am fearless. I am a woman.

Ladies, we have raised our families on unfair wages. It has taught us how to be innovative. I mean look at Pinterest. So many women are creators.

We are teaching our children through our example that we have the power to create, embrace and embody change. Women, we are the epitome of birth and creation. We are creating careers and businesses that allow us to utilize one of our best gifts, multitasking. We are creating change so that we can live out our purposes. We are growing as individuals while fully taking care of our families. We are birthing new ideas of abundance and embedding it in the minds of our children. Teaching them to avoid the old ideas of scarcity, and to seek abundance. In other words, we are teaching our children to be fearless and flourish.

Ladies we are so engulfed in the courage of our female ancestors; that we are building upon their ideas, and customizing them to our current reality. We are embracing change and building upon our capabilities. We are setting the standards and letting everyone know. It is ok to be unmarried. It is ok to choose a career. It is ok to choose to or not to have children. It is ok to be profit driven. And it damn sure is great to be, a WOMAN.

Happy International Women’s Day!

Love,

Tahnee Cole

Tahnee’s Thoughts: Satisfied?

I was romantically involved with a man who questioned would I ever be satisfied.

 

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He would joke about my lack of contentment. Saying that no matter what goals I smashed, or new endeavors I engaged in I wanted more. Leading him to believe that I will also grow tired of our relationship. He made these comments to the point that I began to combat his comments with insults.

On the defense, I began opposing his stagnation and lack of initiative. Am I lacking contentment or are you just way too damn comfortable?  Perhaps, you are too comfortable in a job that has no security. Plus, way too comfortable living mediocre.  It is safe to say that relationship did not last long. LOL

However, I stand firm in believing that it is quite alright to desire and to have a hunger for more. We are designed to grow, change and to evolve. What is life without actually seeing what you can accomplish, while contributing our gifts to the world? I believe that not being my best self and attaining more would be an insult to my Creator and I’m not ok with that.

I can’t say for sure when I will feel content. I like to think that day will arrive when I know my great, great grandkids are financially and emotionally wealthy. Until that day arrives, I will be setting goals, smashing them and setting up new heights for me to reach.

From a Mom, that desires more…

-Tahnee Cole