HAPPY HOLIDAYS, HAPPY NEW YEAR AND HAPPY WINTER! (WINTER NEWSLETTER ENCLOSED)

Hello,

I am committed to working on all the projects that will keep my mom tribe engaged and encouraged.  Every season I will be uploading a seasonal newsletter. My last newsletter was for the Fall Season. If you enjoyed that edition, please check out my Winter edition. Download it and  read it whenever you want.

What you can expect out of this issue is :

  • Winter activities to do with your family

  • My favorite mom must haves

  • Preparation for the new year

  • Holiday treats

I am sorry I was a little late, I was trying to stay present with my family during the holiday season. My initial plan was to upload on the Winter Solstice, but it is always better to be late than never. Follow the arrow and get your copy today.

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WINTER NEWSLETTER 2019.2020 official

 

STAY POSITIVE, STAY FOCUSED, STAY COMMITTED

LOVE, TAHNEE COLE

“If you leave that damn coat at school, don’t come home!”

Hey, I’m a black mom and I’m extra AF (as f*ck), if you aren’t familiar with the acronym. LOL

Excuse my French, but there is no better way to describe my parenting style when it comes to trying to prove a point to my kids.

When my kids leave the house during the Fall and Winter season, I find myself giving them a lecture. Not only about making sure they keep on their coats, but keeping up with their coats. Hats, scarves and gloves as well.

My mama said it to me and I am pretty sure my grandma said it to her.

“If you leave the coat at school, don’t come home.”

For some reason, my kids need me to take it to the extreme to prove to them that I am not playing with them and ….

Ain’t nobody got time for that!

They not only need their coats to stay warm and avoid getting sick. But mama pays good money to keep them warm and I want to see them look like they left the house.

The coats are usually not a huge issue, because they don’t want to freeze those little honey buns off. However, I feel like I replace gloves all winter.  So far the old stick the gloves in the hat and hat in the sleeve trick is working.

If not, I hope the school has some bunk beds, because I mean what I said before.

LOL

jr coat

From A Mom, trying to keep her kids warm

XOXO

Tahnee Cole

Let me be candid, and keep it funky about co-parenting.

Everything is picture perfect now.

You get on social media and the portrayal of a perfect life is the new norm.

The influencers at times, can influence people to live a lie or contribute to insecurities.

Insecurities about fantasies.

A spotless home (usually a mansion), a perfect faithful husband, perfect well-manner kids and my favorite:

Perfect co-parenting relationships…

Look, I am sure there are some very healthy, team player type co-parenting relationships out there. And trust me when I say, I’m proud of them. However, there are a lot of couples who are constantly a work in progress. Co-parenting can be a roller coaster journey, because it can often depend on what the parent is dealing with in his or her own life. Co-parenting can often be difficult for a number of reasons.

Here are a few I have heard outside of my own journey:

  1. Maybe you didn’t get along when you were together . So trying to come to agreements apart can prove to be even more difficult.
  2. Emotions could still be there. Some people don’t want to admit it, but the love they still have for their partner could affect how they raise the kids. The feelings can be  one -side or on both sides. To be honest, many times it is on both sides, but one person is usually in denial.
  3. Still sleeping around and causing confusion. Sex with the ex can be a big “no,no”.
  4. Or you flat out can’t stand each other. So raising a kid together is now another burden and you simply wish the other person would get lost.

Well co-parenting is not something that can be forced or suddenly changed. Depending on how the situation ended, that usually dictates the dynamic of the relationship. It is rough and some days it takes the energy out of you. There will be ups and downs, good days and bad ones.

So yes, it is ok and you do not have to be picture perfect. Do not text you ex and expect them to want to do a photoshoot for social media. Just to prove that you are both mature individuals raising your kids.

Let it flow and pray about it. Be your best self and realize that time will heal everything. Things will change and force people to change.  I am all for broadcasting healthy examples and trying to promote peace and prosperity. However, I am all for people being honest about where they are in life, and not feeling judged or belittled because their family structure does not resemble another.

So live life on your terms and be able to accept where you are at that moment.

Trust me, it will bring you peace and worse case scenario, you and your ex are never able to meet eye to eye. You can be satisfied knowing that you tried, but able to accept that you can’t control anyone, but you.

And honestly, there is more to life than social media facades.

From a Mom, who is just being honest…

Tahnee Cole

YOU ARE NOT OBLIGATED…

 

Don’t forget I am a Today Parents contributor…

https://community.today.com/parentingteam/post/you-are-not-obligated-to_1572064421

Hit the link and like the article!

But first…

Are you a parent who struggles to find your voice in certain situations?

It can be tough and we all have our moments.

It is important though that we are able to tell our children “No”.

Not because we are mean, but simply because they will be told no many times and they need to be prepared. They need to be able to accept a “No”, without having a meltdown or becoming violent.

There is nothing wrong with telling them “NO”.

PRACTICE WITH ME and spell it out, “N-O”!!!

 

HIT THE LINK BELOW

https://community.today.com/parentingteam/post/you-are-not-obligated-to_1572064421

 

Tahnee Cole

“THE MOMMY MOTIVATOR”

And Yes, I’m a Mom…

There is such a strong stigma that comes with being a mom. So many expectations, so many requirements. Most of the time, we feel damned if we do, damned if we do not.

One of the most common criticisms I have received is that since I am a mom, I can no longer be viewed as sexy. I am expected to trade in my bikini for a t-shirt when I go to the beach. I am expected to hide myself as though I am no longer an individual. Why can’t I be proud of the body I have as a 30 something mother of two?

I work for a high profile corporate company and on most days I am required to wear business professional attire. So I love to kick back on the weekend and dress how I please. There is a such thing as being tasteful and displaying your beauty. I think a mother is one of the sexiest titles a woman can own. We are the epitome of sexiness! Our bodies are like rubber bands. They stretch, but they can bounce back!

After having my second child, I was feeling down about my body. The drastic changes postpartum can be overwhelming. I started going to the gym to make myself look and feel better. It worked! I could see the changes in my body and my mind. So why am I criticized for wearing a form fitting dress or a pair of shorts? After a long time of feeling bad; I was feeling good and desirable. I salute all the mamas who are proud of their bodies. As long as, I am not degrading myself or embarrassing my children with my image. I will continue to celebrate my femininity and be proud of this body that has created lives and legends. Yes, you are a mom now, but you can still be sexy!

Surviving the Village…

Every mom and dad needs a Village.

They say it takes a village to raise a child.

There will come a point when you can no longer do everything yourself.

Your advice will no longer be enough.

You will need someone to pick up the kids when you are unable to.

God forbid you fall ill and need an extra shoulder to lean on.

The truth is, you will need help at some point during your parenthood journey.

 Yet, can you survive and embrace the Village? Do you have the ability to simply put your pride aside? Can you accept your Village in their rawness?

This will be the real them. The flawed them. The village that will not always have the same thought process as you. However, they are still a Village, your Village.

They each will have a unique perspective on how to raise the kids. A unique relationship with your child. The parent that you co-parent with might not always agree with your decisions. Will this make you crumble, shutdown and force yourself to take on all the challenges alone?  Will you throw a tantrum like a child or are you willing to hear them out? Can you come to an agreement, agree to disagree?

What about co-existing with your nagging mother in law (who is obviously going to be a part of your village)? Or will you shut her out because she is becoming overbearing and opinionated?

 As I get older, I am realizing that a Village who is likeminded makes me feel more comfortable. However, that is not always a guarantee. In a perfect world, we would like everyone to do what we say, when we say, but that is not reality. So we have to accept that the people in our village will contribute something different to our kids lives. I am almost positive that different opinions will benefit one day, because lets face it, we are not always correct.

So, personally I have to allow myself to gain the maturity and wisdom to allow help and strengthen my Village without being judgemental and stubborn.

So the next time you are shutting a family member out, because they disagree with you. Take a moment and try to consider their perspective.

Think about this, are you pushing away your Village? Or are you trying to build your Village stronger?

Can you survive your Village?

From A Mom who is trying to build and not burn her village down!

Tahnee Cole

Happy International Women’s Day

Today, I think of everything I have faced as a woman. Surprisingly, I have no shame when it comes to my struggles. Every setback. Every challenge. Every single “NO”. Every single time I was called a ᗷITᑕᕼ. Every single time I was discredited and belittled. I survived. My head still held high.

I am resilient. I am fearless. I am a woman.

Ladies, we have raised our families on unfair wages. It has taught us how to be innovative. I mean look at Pinterest. So many women are creators.

We are teaching our children through our example that we have the power to create, embrace and embody change. Women, we are the epitome of birth and creation. We are creating careers and businesses that allow us to utilize one of our best gifts, multitasking. We are creating change so that we can live out our purposes. We are growing as individuals while fully taking care of our families. We are birthing new ideas of abundance and embedding it in the minds of our children. Teaching them to avoid the old ideas of scarcity, and to seek abundance. In other words, we are teaching our children to be fearless and flourish.

Ladies we are so engulfed in the courage of our female ancestors; that we are building upon their ideas, and customizing them to our current reality. We are embracing change and building upon our capabilities. We are setting the standards and letting everyone know. It is ok to be unmarried. It is ok to choose a career. It is ok to choose to or not to have children. It is ok to be profit driven. And it damn sure is great to be, a WOMAN.

Happy International Women’s Day!

Love,

Tahnee Cole

Tahnee’s Thoughts: Satisfied?

I was romantically involved with a man who questioned would I ever be satisfied.

 

emoji

He would joke about my lack of contentment. Saying that no matter what goals I smashed, or new endeavors I engaged in I wanted more. Leading him to believe that I will also grow tired of our relationship. He made these comments to the point that I began to combat his comments with insults.

On the defense, I began opposing his stagnation and lack of initiative. Am I lacking contentment or are you just way too damn comfortable?  Perhaps, you are too comfortable in a job that has no security. Plus, way too comfortable living mediocre.  It is safe to say that relationship did not last long. LOL

However, I stand firm in believing that it is quite alright to desire and to have a hunger for more. We are designed to grow, change and to evolve. What is life without actually seeing what you can accomplish, while contributing our gifts to the world? I believe that not being my best self and attaining more would be an insult to my Creator and I’m not ok with that.

I can’t say for sure when I will feel content. I like to think that day will arrive when I know my great, great grandkids are financially and emotionally wealthy. Until that day arrives, I will be setting goals, smashing them and setting up new heights for me to reach.

From a Mom, that desires more…

-Tahnee Cole

A Birthday Letter to Me…

Dear Tahnee,

I want to apologize to you for ever doubting you. I want to say sorry for abusing your body. I apologize for the part I played, helping you engage in mindless intimate connections to recover from pain from your ex (exes).

I want to say sorry for the days I starved you, over-working you for a company who could care less where your next meal comes from. Then I had the audacity to make you feel bad, for asking for that raise that you rightfully deserved.

I am sorry for not speaking up for you the times someone trying to degrade you.  I am sorry for putting pressure on you to live up to societies standards of beauty.

Tahnee, I am so sorry for not helping you end early, situations and people who did not have your best interest at heart. I apologize to you for making you feel guilty for going to work. I know that you have to take care of your children.

I am sorry for making you feel like you have to be so great that you can’t feel pain. I have been bashing you when you are weak and telling you to toughen up.

I am sorry for not patting you on the back for all that you have accomplished. 

I am so sorry Tahnee.  

From this day forward, I vow to TRUST you. I promise to STAND by you. I promise to HELP you NEVER settle. I promise to be there when you are SUCCESSFUL and when you fail. I promise to go on this journey with you; LOVING you and APPRECIATING you for better and for worse. I LOVE you Tahnee and I FORGIVE you.  Happy birthday!

-From Tahnee Cole

#GOALS

If you follow me on Instagram at blackpumpspinkslippers you will see that I post #MomConfessions and #MomGoals daily on my page. While #MomConfessions are humorous little nuggets of hidden mom truths. #MomGoals are my desires to help my children attain success and happiness.

One of my #MomGoals is to teach my children that generational curses is just a belief and a way of getting yourself off the hook for not being successful. I would rather call it generational diseases simply because it can transpire into poor habits and thinking that spreads. Our lives are not predestined to failure. Most of us select failure by not learning from our mistakes, refusing to take a new approach and keeping the same poor mindset. We also fall into so called family curses not because of voodoo placed on our family, but because we follow the same practices from the previous generations. Those same agendas and practices either did not work for them or due to change they no longer work for us.

My duty as a mom is to provide my children with resources to show them abundance is possible. I am here to connect them to mentors who are more intelligent and talented than me. I would never want my children to think due to their last name or the blood running through their veins that they are doomed. I want to help them broaden their thoughts and allow them to see that their opportunities are limitless.  #MOMGOALS!

 

From a MOM who believes in #MOMGOALS

Tahnee Cole

BUSINESS PROFESSIONAL STYLED MAMA?

So I was speaking to a mom the other day, a new mom who has never worked in an office.  She worked in retail and recently at a hair care supply store. She asked me exactly what Business Professional was…

I gave her the side eye…    Screenshot_2018-01-02-11-58-44-1

Well only because I had never met anyone who NEVER had a job that required them to wear Business Professional. Unless of course, it was one of my nurse buddies who dresses in uniform. I mean think about my blog Black Pumps… The ideal shoes for a Corporate Professional Woman is a pair of black pumps. However, there is a first time for everything. Since all of my career has been working in a business professional attire environment; it is my duty to enlighten this Career Mama!

Business Professional is the epitome of DRESS FOR SUCCESS. This professional style represents the company well for presentations, gaining new clients and for landing huge opportunities. It provides a polished and no-nonsense look that yells out, “She’s a Working Woman. She’s a Professional. She is a Boss B….”

 

Ok, I am sure you got the point! thQQ7HRPT0

I especially wanted to talk about this on my blog, because I know a lot of MOMS who blame mommy life on not having enough time to look put together. However, if you want to attract a career with a Business Professional Look listen up:

THE LOOK IS…

A skirt suit or pant suit in colors: Black, Brown, Gray, or Navy are always acceptable. The pants should be full length ( not Capri or Crop styled). Skirts should always hit the knee. Please let go of the Club skirts. We are going for a professional look, not out on a date with your man. A nice conservative shirt or silk blouse will always compliment the suit,  but please BEWARE of shirts that show too much cleavage or are transparent.

FIX IT UP WITH…

When it comes to accessorizing the look, keep the jewelry and makeup down to a minimum. We want our makeup to look polished, but not overdone. Simple earrings like stud diamonds and pearls always create a high class business woman look. Hoisery is a must and shoes should be closed toe. Also, watch for the shoes with the heels that are way too high!  Now honestly, the shoe part is a problem for me, because I love my four to six inch pumps. However, keep in mind you will be in those shoes all day. So find a heel that is comfortable for you.

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THIS…

This is just a general standard from my experience working in Corporate America and general research from various companies. Every company will have their personal set of dress code guidelines. I know many people who complain and say this dress code is cruel to mankind, but honestly it is pretty standard in most Corporate Businesses. If you do not like Business Professional it is best to seek employment with a more relaxed dress code. If you enjoy this type of dress then mix and match different looks.  Plus keep up to date on how to add the latest fashion into your professional look!

Are you apart of the Business Professional Clan?