Teaching my son there is a Black Superman, he is.

The picture of my son in 2018 wearing his Superman costume inspired this post. He looks so strong, confident and majestic. He truly believes that he can do anything. Which is why daily, I find myself having to convince him not to jump down the flight of stairs.

But, I don’t want that confidence to disappear. I want him to keep believing in himself. To strive for heights that most think are unachievable for him. I want to see him smash his goals, conquer the unconquerable and beat the stereotypes placed on him through statistics.

It is unfortunate when I only hear negative news, and see more negative images about men who look like my son. It kills me when I hear stories of black boys with bright futures who turn to a life of crime. Simply because they no longer see Superman as a true future. They once had bright smiles like my son , they once believed, but one day something happened.

It is important that we teach our sons they are our Superheroes, despite the negative depictions placed over them.  We have to encourage our sons to take responsibility for their lives and hold them accountable for their actions. With confidence that, they can one day be the leading examples of our world.

I told my son that he has the power and ability to do whatever he desires. The same super powers he has when he puts on his cape now, will never leave him.  That power will manifest in a different form, according to his human abilities to change the entire world.

So I tell my son, he is Superman.

We must tell our young men that he is, Superman.

From a Mom who loves and believe in her son..

Tahnee Cole

“If you leave that damn coat at school, don’t come home!”

Hey, I’m a black mom and I’m extra AF (as f*ck), if you aren’t familiar with the acronym. LOL

Excuse my French, but there is no better way to describe my parenting style when it comes to trying to prove a point to my kids.

When my kids leave the house during the Fall and Winter season, I find myself giving them a lecture. Not only about making sure they keep on their coats, but keeping up with their coats. Hats, scarves and gloves as well.

My mama said it to me and I am pretty sure my grandma said it to her.

“If you leave the coat at school, don’t come home.”

For some reason, my kids need me to take it to the extreme to prove to them that I am not playing with them and ….

Ain’t nobody got time for that!

They not only need their coats to stay warm and avoid getting sick. But mama pays good money to keep them warm and I want to see them look like they left the house.

The coats are usually not a huge issue, because they don’t want to freeze those little honey buns off. However, I feel like I replace gloves all winter.  So far the old stick the gloves in the hat and hat in the sleeve trick is working.

If not, I hope the school has some bunk beds, because I mean what I said before.

LOL

jr coat

From A Mom, trying to keep her kids warm

XOXO

Tahnee Cole

Let me be candid, and keep it funky about co-parenting.

Everything is picture perfect now.

You get on social media and the portrayal of a perfect life is the new norm.

The influencers at times, can influence people to live a lie or contribute to insecurities.

Insecurities about fantasies.

A spotless home (usually a mansion), a perfect faithful husband, perfect well-manner kids and my favorite:

Perfect co-parenting relationships…

Look, I am sure there are some very healthy, team player type co-parenting relationships out there. And trust me when I say, I’m proud of them. However, there are a lot of couples who are constantly a work in progress. Co-parenting can be a roller coaster journey, because it can often depend on what the parent is dealing with in his or her own life. Co-parenting can often be difficult for a number of reasons.

Here are a few I have heard outside of my own journey:

  1. Maybe you didn’t get along when you were together . So trying to come to agreements apart can prove to be even more difficult.
  2. Emotions could still be there. Some people don’t want to admit it, but the love they still have for their partner could affect how they raise the kids. The feelings can be  one -side or on both sides. To be honest, many times it is on both sides, but one person is usually in denial.
  3. Still sleeping around and causing confusion. Sex with the ex can be a big “no,no”.
  4. Or you flat out can’t stand each other. So raising a kid together is now another burden and you simply wish the other person would get lost.

Well co-parenting is not something that can be forced or suddenly changed. Depending on how the situation ended, that usually dictates the dynamic of the relationship. It is rough and some days it takes the energy out of you. There will be ups and downs, good days and bad ones.

So yes, it is ok and you do not have to be picture perfect. Do not text you ex and expect them to want to do a photoshoot for social media. Just to prove that you are both mature individuals raising your kids.

Let it flow and pray about it. Be your best self and realize that time will heal everything. Things will change and force people to change.  I am all for broadcasting healthy examples and trying to promote peace and prosperity. However, I am all for people being honest about where they are in life, and not feeling judged or belittled because their family structure does not resemble another.

So live life on your terms and be able to accept where you are at that moment.

Trust me, it will bring you peace and worse case scenario, you and your ex are never able to meet eye to eye. You can be satisfied knowing that you tried, but able to accept that you can’t control anyone, but you.

And honestly, there is more to life than social media facades.

From a Mom, who is just being honest…

Tahnee Cole

2 Kids, 1 Job and No Man…

April 3, 2017,  felt like a regular Monday. Well actually it didn’t, I was supposed to be going in late to work due to a dentist appointment. I couldn’t help but notice the constant buzzing of my phone while I was getting dressed.  My co-worker was calling me. Matter of fact, she had called me few times which was unusual for her. She was supposed to be at work. I knew something had to be wrong. Perhaps, she forgot her ID badge or wanted me to let the Supervisor know she would be late but…

“Hey Tahnee. They are laying off workers today. I just received my severance package and a notice that my position was eliminated. I’m not sure if you will be too, but I am just warning you.” she said. Her tone was disappointed but pretty calm.

I don’t really think my heart skipped a beat, but instantly my mind flashed to my kids. “2 kids, 1 job and no man”, is what ringed in my head. It is  actually a line in a Jay Z song. This was so befitting to my current life, but now my one and only job could possibly be gone.

What the hell was I going to do if I got laid off? I thought to myself.

Luckily, due to many obstacles in my life, I have grown to have tough skin. As well as, developed a fearless chick persona. My thought process now is: no matter what, I got this!

Well, it happened. I was laid off. My strong work ethic and loyalty to the company was not enough to keep me employed. Fast forward today, I noticed something about my previous employer opposed to my new employer. Both established corporate companies, but the culture is noticeably different. My first week on the job there was an announcement that there would be a layoff. Obviously, this made me a little antsy and I had even questioned, what the hell I had gotten myself into. Yet, I couldn’t help but admire the compassion they had for their workers.  At least they were honest enough to give their employees a fair warning and time to make a decision. My previous company walked me out the building like I was a criminal. There was no fair warning and a secured escort with a box of my personal belongings. A very humbling and embarrassing experience I might add.

When my manager spoke to me, honestly all I could hear was,  “f*ck you and your kids, bye now”.

I could make this personal and name others who should have taken my spot. I could go on and on about how I didn’t deserve it, but I am not one to dwell in the past. I even hesitated about sharing this experience, but I felt it is huge part of my professional history. It was also a major wake up call that I must always secure the bag for my family. That is by never putting my stability solely in the hand of a corporate company. When it comes down to it, most of the time, hard-worker or not, you are just another replaceable number. It was clear that they honestly could care less where my kids meals come from. I was grateful for the health coverage, severance package and my savings.  I was able to take off much needed time with my kids and re-evaluate my professional path.  Obviously, I re-entered the workforce, but I had a different agenda. It is a blessing to receive compensation, but it was still a task starting over and rebuilding after years with a company.

I’m not bitter at all though. This experience stretched me, educated me and built me to be a stronger woman for my new employer, but also helped to empower me to create a business of my own.

From a Mom with Experience.

_Tahnee Cole

Tahnee’s Thoughts: Satisfied?

I was romantically involved with a man who questioned would I ever be satisfied.

 

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He would joke about my lack of contentment. Saying that no matter what goals I smashed, or new endeavors I engaged in I wanted more. Leading him to believe that I will also grow tired of our relationship. He made these comments to the point that I began to combat his comments with insults.

On the defense, I began opposing his stagnation and lack of initiative. Am I lacking contentment or are you just way too damn comfortable?  Perhaps, you are too comfortable in a job that has no security. Plus, way too comfortable living mediocre.  It is safe to say that relationship did not last long. LOL

However, I stand firm in believing that it is quite alright to desire and to have a hunger for more. We are designed to grow, change and to evolve. What is life without actually seeing what you can accomplish, while contributing our gifts to the world? I believe that not being my best self and attaining more would be an insult to my Creator and I’m not ok with that.

I can’t say for sure when I will feel content. I like to think that day will arrive when I know my great, great grandkids are financially and emotionally wealthy. Until that day arrives, I will be setting goals, smashing them and setting up new heights for me to reach.

From a Mom, that desires more…

-Tahnee Cole

A Birthday Letter to Me…

Dear Tahnee,

I want to apologize to you for ever doubting you. I want to say sorry for abusing your body. I apologize for the part I played, helping you engage in mindless intimate connections to recover from pain from your ex (exes).

I want to say sorry for the days I starved you, over-working you for a company who could care less where your next meal comes from. Then I had the audacity to make you feel bad, for asking for that raise that you rightfully deserved.

I am sorry for not speaking up for you the times someone trying to degrade you.  I am sorry for putting pressure on you to live up to societies standards of beauty.

Tahnee, I am so sorry for not helping you end early, situations and people who did not have your best interest at heart. I apologize to you for making you feel guilty for going to work. I know that you have to take care of your children.

I am sorry for making you feel like you have to be so great that you can’t feel pain. I have been bashing you when you are weak and telling you to toughen up.

I am sorry for not patting you on the back for all that you have accomplished. 

I am so sorry Tahnee.  

From this day forward, I vow to TRUST you. I promise to STAND by you. I promise to HELP you NEVER settle. I promise to be there when you are SUCCESSFUL and when you fail. I promise to go on this journey with you; LOVING you and APPRECIATING you for better and for worse. I LOVE you Tahnee and I FORGIVE you.  Happy birthday!

-From Tahnee Cole

BUSINESS PROFESSIONAL STYLED MAMA?

So I was speaking to a mom the other day, a new mom who has never worked in an office.  She worked in retail and recently at a hair care supply store. She asked me exactly what Business Professional was…

I gave her the side eye…    Screenshot_2018-01-02-11-58-44-1

Well only because I had never met anyone who NEVER had a job that required them to wear Business Professional. Unless of course, it was one of my nurse buddies who dresses in uniform. I mean think about my blog Black Pumps… The ideal shoes for a Corporate Professional Woman is a pair of black pumps. However, there is a first time for everything. Since all of my career has been working in a business professional attire environment; it is my duty to enlighten this Career Mama!

Business Professional is the epitome of DRESS FOR SUCCESS. This professional style represents the company well for presentations, gaining new clients and for landing huge opportunities. It provides a polished and no-nonsense look that yells out, “She’s a Working Woman. She’s a Professional. She is a Boss B….”

 

Ok, I am sure you got the point! thQQ7HRPT0

I especially wanted to talk about this on my blog, because I know a lot of MOMS who blame mommy life on not having enough time to look put together. However, if you want to attract a career with a Business Professional Look listen up:

THE LOOK IS…

A skirt suit or pant suit in colors: Black, Brown, Gray, or Navy are always acceptable. The pants should be full length ( not Capri or Crop styled). Skirts should always hit the knee. Please let go of the Club skirts. We are going for a professional look, not out on a date with your man. A nice conservative shirt or silk blouse will always compliment the suit,  but please BEWARE of shirts that show too much cleavage or are transparent.

FIX IT UP WITH…

When it comes to accessorizing the look, keep the jewelry and makeup down to a minimum. We want our makeup to look polished, but not overdone. Simple earrings like stud diamonds and pearls always create a high class business woman look. Hoisery is a must and shoes should be closed toe. Also, watch for the shoes with the heels that are way too high!  Now honestly, the shoe part is a problem for me, because I love my four to six inch pumps. However, keep in mind you will be in those shoes all day. So find a heel that is comfortable for you.

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THIS…

This is just a general standard from my experience working in Corporate America and general research from various companies. Every company will have their personal set of dress code guidelines. I know many people who complain and say this dress code is cruel to mankind, but honestly it is pretty standard in most Corporate Businesses. If you do not like Business Professional it is best to seek employment with a more relaxed dress code. If you enjoy this type of dress then mix and match different looks.  Plus keep up to date on how to add the latest fashion into your professional look!

Are you apart of the Business Professional Clan?