Helping My Kids Cope With Changes

Some days I obsess about how I am going to work through my work at home days. But lately, I have taken a moment to think about my kids and what they are going through. It was all fun in the beginning, staying home and not going to school. Summer breaks are fun and kids look forward to not having homework assignments. Yet, at some point they miss their teachers, their friends and their routine. As a busy mom, I had to take a second and talk to my children about these changes.

I want to help them cope even if they were not verbally letting me know…

Some days they communicated with their body language. Some days I could see the fear in their eyes that things were changing and not for the better.

Would they be stuck in the house forever?

Especially, my five year old. He will be starting his first year of school and it will not be a normal year. I have been looking forward to sending him off to Kindergarten, but unfortunately life is not the same. We are not even sure if he will be attending school or just doing virtual learning as of now. It seems that I will be opting for the virtual option.

Through this challenging time here are a few of tips I use to help my kids cope with the changes. They might help you and your family!

1.Talk it out– Talk to your children about what’s going on. Explain to them the dangers and the precautious. Even explain to them why you are deciding on virtual learning if you are selecting that option. Let them express how they feel. This is the time to put all concerns, frustrations and suggestions together to help the school year go as smooth as possible.

2. Try to keep it normal as possible- I am still buying my kids new backpacks and school supplies, regardless. Kids gets excited about new school supplies, backpacks and lunch boxes. Even if they stay home and learn virtually I still want to provide normality.

3. Let them know that it is ok to feel disappointed- We sometimes get upset with our kids when they get disappointed. Especially, when it directly relates to something out of our control. Why? Because we feel helpless. We don’t want to disappoint our kids, but we have to allow them to be upset. We have to show them coping methods to help them get through this.  This a battle that they have to deal with and life itself will have many obstacles, and they need to learn how to deal with disappointments. They also have to learn to adapt to change. Allowing them to feel will help them heal.

4. Stay connected- Let your kids Facetime their friends and teachers. Allow them to interact with people on the daily so they won’t feel isolated. It is scary to interact in person  because of the risk, but it is ok to find creative ways to keep your kids interacting with friends and family!

5. Keep it fun- Look up creative projects and plans, share them with your kids to keep them motivated about the school year. My latest project is to create a media center in my home, specifically for my children to work through their virtually learning. I will be showing that to you in the Fall!

I hope all parents are confident in whatever decision they make for educating their kids.  I wish you and your babies safety and many blessings for this school year!

Tahnee Cole

They only see you leave early… #WORKINGMOMCHALLENGES

A mom friend and I had a discussion about moms vs the workplace…

We both agreed that we realized how difficult working mom life can be once our children hit school age.  For many career moms, it appears to be more difficult when your child is an infant. First, there is the separation anxiety. At this point, you are faced with the many adjustments such as:

Selecting and surviving child care,

deciding on a nanny,

home-care of a daycare facility.

It is possible that you may find a little confidence when your children finally hit preschool. Unfortunately, with parenthood you realize that your routine is constantly changing especially when you get comfortable. LOL. They start school and you have to adjust again. Honestly, school brought on its fair share of challenges, as it relates to my career life.

Here is my perspective:

Well or should I say lemme (let me) break it down..

There is Summer break, Thanksgiving break, Christmas/Winter break, Spring break, random holidays off and of course our famous EARLY OUT DAYS.   The truth is many moms work in careers where the school hours are not conducive to the career mom schedule. Which means that we have to either find more flexible careers or save up plenty of PTO. We may even have to stay in constant communication with our employer. In layman’s terms, let them know what the hell is going on so that we can cover our ass and keep our job. Remember, we are not only required to be great moms, but to also still be considered a valuable worker.

I noticed once my daughter started school that 3 pm dismissal was not working for me.  For most moms the school hours are not flexible enough to drop off or pick up their children. If you can do one or the other your are lucky. So moms are trying to figure out transportation services, before and after care, bus routes, carpooling, etc. And again, the early out days. At this point, there is nothing left to do besides LEAVE WORK EARLY. Make sure you say it again and listen to those echoes behind.

It is not a sin; however, my friend and I also discussed our experiences with co-workers when they found out you had to leave early. Especially, if it had something to do with one of your children. I can say that the current company I work for is very family friendly. Yet, in the past, I have worked for corporations that were not as forgiving about leaving due to personal family issues.

I remember I had a situation myself when I was leaving work eight minutes earlier and one of my coworkers had the audacity to look at his watch and say is “your watch fast?”. He was joking, but I was not.  I wanted to say, ” Excuse me a$$hole, you come in work late every single day, your performance is mediocre at best and you have the audacity to check me!” I didn’t care if he was joking I was sick of people only acknowledging anything negative.

Not many people understand the stress and struggles of the working mom. The constant need to balance being a great mom and a great employee is challenging. Plus, I never heard anyone joke about the days I was there extra early, or the nights I worked from home after hours, or the weekends I was putting in.  Or the days I hauled ass into work after being up late when a crying baby, or a sick child with a fever. Or how about beating it into work after running back to the school to give my child a backpack or lunch they forgot. So please, a few minutes early out should never be a major concern or to be put on spotlight.

Sadly, that is just some of the discrimination that career moms deal with on the day to day basis. Despite it, we still keep moving and do our best to debunk any theories that we are less than the average worker. We strive to prove that we are more efficient and proficient than our counterparts. It is just a shame we still have to do way more than we need to prove ourselves. When in my case, the numbers don’t lie.

 

Tahnee Cole

Last Minute Gift Ideas for a Tween Like Mine…

If you are looking for last minute ideas for a tween girl like mine, here are 10 gifts she will probably love. This is not all tweens, but girls who are like my baby girl Heaven!

  1. Nails/ Nail polish- My daughter has quite a nail collection. She enjoys doing her friends nails for some pocket change (future business woman), and she also likes buying press on nails. The press on nails are so nice now they look like you got a manicure from a professional salon!nail polish

  2. Anything Justice- Heaven has loved Justice since she was 6. She loves the clothes, jewelry, accessories for her room, back packs, lunch boxes, and much more. The store is specifically for girls and you cannot go wrong purchasing a gift there. justice

  3. Phone cases- My daughter has an iphone. I broke down and bought her one earlier this year, but she  has to have a case that can match her many outfits. You can find phone cases anywhere, but her favorite place is Claire’s Boutique. phone case

  4. Lip gloss- No make up yet, but she is into the sweet glossy (extra glossy) lip stage. She also likes to make her own. So I also purchased her a lip gloss kit which is a great gift. Hey, they can use the kit to start their own business. #girlboss #kidboss

  5. Bookbag purse and fanny packs- My daughter is really into purses to match her outfits. It funny because I remember being into bookbag purses and fanny packs when I was her age. Girls love bags so it is a great gift idea.

  6. Colored Extensions- It took me a minute to get into this trend, but I gave in. Heaven loves colored hair, so I allow her to buy colored extensions to add in her braids for fun. . It’s a unicorn, Vsco girl phase I guess. A lot of girls are into either the clip in extensions, or even the spray in color. We use to use spray and Kool-Aid! lol heavegiftblog2

  7. Scrunchies- All Vsco girls like scrunchies to wear around their wrist, so load up on different colors to match their outfits. You can get them from dollar stores all the way to department stores.

  8. Bath bombs/ smell goods- Bath and body is one of my daughters favorite stores. Most girls like to smell sweet and good. So buying a young lady you know some sweet smelling lotion or body wash will definitely be a hit for Christmas.

  9. Journal/ Books/ Planners- Girls like to write about their goals, dreams, their days, who their best friends are and their plans. They also like to read. This year I bought my daughter all three. A journal to write her daily life goals and secrets. Plus a book called The Confidence Code for girls by Katty Kay & Claire Shipman.book

  10. Gift cards- Lastly, you can never go wrong with gift cards. If you just don’t know what to get just buy a gift card and they can buy what they want!! Some popular gift cards are ITUNES, APPLE, AMAZON.