Changes and Children

I had to explain to my son that life would always be changing. Rarely will everything be constant, but change can be beneficial. My son is six, a very smart six year old, but like most children change can be difficult. Family structure, new schools, new living situations, etc are always to be expected as years pass by.

But like six year olds, when we don’t initiate the change we feel uncomfortable, we feel vulnerable. I explained to my son that just like him, change whether voluntary or involuntary can also take its toll on me.

For example, I am adjusting to going from corporate savvy career woman to work at home mom. Yes, I am still a savvy, corporate career woman, but now I have the opportunity to stay at home and nurture my children, my home and work in my profession. It’s a blessing and a challenge at the same time.

Have I struggled with the change? Yes. However, I have learned to adjust to those changes by seeing the positive out the situation. Also, making adjustments and working to improve what I can around the change to make the best out of it.

After having this discussion with Jeremey we talked about the perks of some of the new changes, we even discussed some new goals we were going to make as a team. I am happy that my son can confide in me when he is uncomfortable about anything and trusts me to give him encouragement and words of wisdom.
I assured Jeremey that as long as I am breathing, I will be there to help him with all of life’s changes and challenges along the way!

Does your child struggled with change?

Let me be candid, and keep it funky about co-parenting.

Everything is picture perfect now.

You get on social media and the portrayal of a perfect life is the new norm.

The influencers at times, can influence people to live a lie or contribute to insecurities.

Insecurities about fantasies.

A spotless home (usually a mansion), a perfect faithful husband, perfect well-manner kids and my favorite:

Perfect co-parenting relationships…

Look, I am sure there are some very healthy, team player type co-parenting relationships out there. And trust me when I say, I’m proud of them. However, there are a lot of couples who are constantly a work in progress. Co-parenting can be a roller coaster journey, because it can often depend on what the parent is dealing with in his or her own life. Co-parenting can often be difficult for a number of reasons.

Here are a few I have heard outside of my own journey:

  1. Maybe you didn’t get along when you were together . So trying to come to agreements apart can prove to be even more difficult.
  2. Emotions could still be there. Some people don’t want to admit it, but the love they still have for their partner could affect how they raise the kids. The feelings can be  one -side or on both sides. To be honest, many times it is on both sides, but one person is usually in denial.
  3. Still sleeping around and causing confusion. Sex with the ex can be a big “no,no”.
  4. Or you flat out can’t stand each other. So raising a kid together is now another burden and you simply wish the other person would get lost.

Well co-parenting is not something that can be forced or suddenly changed. Depending on how the situation ended, that usually dictates the dynamic of the relationship. It is rough and some days it takes the energy out of you. There will be ups and downs, good days and bad ones.

So yes, it is ok and you do not have to be picture perfect. Do not text you ex and expect them to want to do a photoshoot for social media. Just to prove that you are both mature individuals raising your kids.

Let it flow and pray about it. Be your best self and realize that time will heal everything. Things will change and force people to change.  I am all for broadcasting healthy examples and trying to promote peace and prosperity. However, I am all for people being honest about where they are in life, and not feeling judged or belittled because their family structure does not resemble another.

So live life on your terms and be able to accept where you are at that moment.

Trust me, it will bring you peace and worse case scenario, you and your ex are never able to meet eye to eye. You can be satisfied knowing that you tried, but able to accept that you can’t control anyone, but you.

And honestly, there is more to life than social media facades.

From a Mom, who is just being honest…

Tahnee Cole

Tahnee’s Thoughts: Satisfied?

I was romantically involved with a man who questioned would I ever be satisfied.

 

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He would joke about my lack of contentment. Saying that no matter what goals I smashed, or new endeavors I engaged in I wanted more. Leading him to believe that I will also grow tired of our relationship. He made these comments to the point that I began to combat his comments with insults.

On the defense, I began opposing his stagnation and lack of initiative. Am I lacking contentment or are you just way too damn comfortable?  Perhaps, you are too comfortable in a job that has no security. Plus, way too comfortable living mediocre.  It is safe to say that relationship did not last long. LOL

However, I stand firm in believing that it is quite alright to desire and to have a hunger for more. We are designed to grow, change and to evolve. What is life without actually seeing what you can accomplish, while contributing our gifts to the world? I believe that not being my best self and attaining more would be an insult to my Creator and I’m not ok with that.

I can’t say for sure when I will feel content. I like to think that day will arrive when I know my great, great grandkids are financially and emotionally wealthy. Until that day arrives, I will be setting goals, smashing them and setting up new heights for me to reach.

From a Mom, that desires more…

-Tahnee Cole

A Birthday Letter to Me…

Dear Tahnee,

I want to apologize to you for ever doubting you. I want to say sorry for abusing your body. I apologize for the part I played, helping you engage in mindless intimate connections to recover from pain from your ex (exes).

I want to say sorry for the days I starved you, over-working you for a company who could care less where your next meal comes from. Then I had the audacity to make you feel bad, for asking for that raise that you rightfully deserved.

I am sorry for not speaking up for you the times someone trying to degrade you.  I am sorry for putting pressure on you to live up to societies standards of beauty.

Tahnee, I am so sorry for not helping you end early, situations and people who did not have your best interest at heart. I apologize to you for making you feel guilty for going to work. I know that you have to take care of your children.

I am sorry for making you feel like you have to be so great that you can’t feel pain. I have been bashing you when you are weak and telling you to toughen up.

I am sorry for not patting you on the back for all that you have accomplished. 

I am so sorry Tahnee.  

From this day forward, I vow to TRUST you. I promise to STAND by you. I promise to HELP you NEVER settle. I promise to be there when you are SUCCESSFUL and when you fail. I promise to go on this journey with you; LOVING you and APPRECIATING you for better and for worse. I LOVE you Tahnee and I FORGIVE you.  Happy birthday!

-From Tahnee Cole

SBMS

Do you suffer from Super Bitch Mom Syndrome?

The Symptoms are as follows:

  1. Competing with other moms when it comes to mommy duties and your kid’s accomplishments. You even embellish things to make you seem like a better mom.
  2. Complaining about not having any help, but when people offer you decline. Of course you do because you are Super Mom. Help… what the hell is that?
  3. Putting other moms down for their food choices, but we saw you at the McDonalds drive thru the other night. Yeah those happy meals were for your neighbors kids again, right? LOL

There are many other symptoms of Super Bitch Mom Syndrome, but if you have one or all three chances are you need to take a small dosage of chill!

We all know at least one mom who is this way. It may even be YOU. I did not write this to put you down, but to help you take a minute to appreciate who you are. The truth is that you are not and will never be perfect.  We all appreciate your effort and trust me I have suffered from this myself. However, it is 2018 and we need balance. It is perfectly fine to be the best mom you can be, but realize you are going to make mistakes.

Don’t over-work yourself!

Don’t try to impress others!

Don’t stress yourself out!

You are Super without trying to be Super!